


Rain Time

by soundingboard



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-11-30
Updated: 2008-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 12:46:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 27,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16787236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundingboard/pseuds/soundingboard
Summary: i'll be posting each "completed" section as a separate chapter. sometimes there will be gaps i need to fill in between the chapters, sometimes the chapters will follow each other immediately.there are no tags but content that needs warnings is noted at the start of relevant chapters.if anyone who is not aargle stumbles onto this: good luck and have fun reading!the proper working title of this is "the lightning strike." but i think "rain time" makes a wonderfuly ridiculous placeholder title. :3





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> i'll be posting each "completed" section as a separate chapter. sometimes there will be gaps i need to fill in between the chapters, sometimes the chapters will follow each other immediately.
> 
> there are no tags but content that needs warnings is noted at the start of relevant chapters.
> 
> if anyone who is not aargle stumbles onto this: good luck and have fun reading!
> 
> the proper working title of this is "the lightning strike." but i think "rain time" makes a wonderfuly ridiculous placeholder title. :3

”Do you like stories—what’s your name?” 

"You can call me Kazuya."

"Do you like stories, Kazuya?" the man asks. On the street, he gave his name as Chris. Kazuya thinks that might be his real name. Chris does not turn from the window.

Even though Chris’ gaze isn’t on him, Kazuya holds his pose on the bed, legs spread casually, draped off the edge, arms straight behind him, supporting the slight arch of his torso. "Sure.”

"Then I’ll tell you one now." Chris continues to look out into the night. "Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved another boy. He loved this other boy so much, he ruined his life for him."

Kazuya waits for him to go on, holding himself still even as the words crawl up the back of his neck. Unspoken words fill the air: when Kazuya inhales, he breathes them in, his lungs grow heavy.

"I know this story," Kazuya says at last. "We can skip to the end. It never ends," he acknowledges and amends, "but I’ll just cut to the part where there’s no more to tell after." Chris turns to look at him as he gets off the bed and continues, "Even when they were parted, when they were no more, the beloved haunted the ruined boy. He still does." Kazuya stops. He holds Chris’ gaze another moment; then twists and slides between the man and the window, silent again, bracing himself as the rainfall starts and Chris enters him without further prelude.


	2. the corner shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> background/worldbuilding. there's more to this scene, but it's still in draft form...

As he does every morning, Tetsu goes down to open this corner convenience shop, which he and Jun live above in separate apartments. 

The two of them met in the war, pinned down first by enemy fire and then in a seawater pipe by acid rain. By the morning they were brothers ("shield brothers," Jun had called it then; still does). Tetsu spent hours listening to Jun's theories on how their own government was actually responsible for the rain. "They'd have you believe it's biological/climatological weaponry by the enemy," Jun had started, "but what if it was an attempt by _us_ , an experiment gone horribly, tragically wrong?" That was back in what he now calls his "naive days," when he still believed it was a mistake and not a deliberate and systemic strategy to control the populace... In any case, Tetsu had told Jun he didn't necessarily share those opinions and Jun said the important thing was that Tetsu had listened.

When they came back home, honorably discharged, they stuck together. Tetsu would hang out at a certain smoke shop, even though he doesn't smoke, because that was where the old men who know how to play shogi would hang out, smoking and playing. Tetsu was around so much, he ended up working there—and that's how he got the idea of having his own shop somewhere. 

He started working towards a goal of opening a convenience shop in a not so nice part of town, because even people in the bad part of town should have easy access to water rations, which are subsidized by the government and available daily with your ID. There's a pretty big black market for water and water depots are often targeted for crimes; the neighborhood where Tetsu opened his shop and applied for a water distribution license didn't have a depot/dispensary because it was regarded as too troublesome to open one there.

Anyhow, that became Tetsu's dream. He learned about the neighborhood because when they first got back, he and Jun didn't know what to do with themselves, so they just spent their days wandering around the city. That's also how he found the smoke shop.

It took Jun longer to figure himself out. He tried being a bartender and a bike courier, but it didn't stick. He just felt really useless. Like Tetsu, he wanted to do something meaningful, something that would matter to people; that's part of why he gave Tetsu all his money so the convenience shop could become a reality. Jun didn't want to work there himself, though. There's a special program to transition returning vets into law enforcement and a fair number of them do that, but Jun has a deep mistrust of the government (he's one of the ones who believes acid rain came from their own government). 

Then it was announced that Kataoka Tesshin was taking over as head of the fire department. He distinguished himself during military service enough that it was assumed he'd go into politics upon his return (being a war hero is one of the best/only ways to break into politics if you aren't from the privileged classes). But he took a post with the fire department, which is an end unto itself and therefore political suicide. Which means Jun's opinion of him went up even more. When he was named chief, Jun decided to apply to the fire department on a whim and got accepted. When he got into the rainfighting program, he knew he'd found his calling. 

Anyhow, the convenience shop has been running for a little under two years now. It has, indeed, proven useful and popular in the community, and while it wasn't always smooth sailing, things are going pretty well. Tetsu is even kind of friends with the boys who work the corner down from his. The understanding he has with them—and really, it's a nicety to call it an "understanding," because it's a rule—is that they can't conduct business on his property (in the store, in front of it or behind it—even if the shop is closed at the time).

[note: and a lot more, including brief introduction of ryousuke and kuramochi, mention of kazuya, cameo appearance by tachibana makoto as jun's rainfighting partner... will be added as it's own chapter once the notes are in story form!]


	3. chris and kazuya at the hotel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chronologically after the prologue/chapter 1, but narratively chapter 3

They've been fucking for a while. Kazuya isn't sure how long but it doesn't feel very long yet. Time can be deceiving with the way it feels, of course, and sometimes Kazuya resents it for that, but this time he doesn't mind. He could almost lose himself in the way time feels right now, in the way the fucking feels—he's so close to being able to lose himself he starts to want it; and as soon as he starts to want, the feeling slips away.

His hand slips onto the glass and he opens his eyes at the chilled touch, tucks the shiver that rolls through him into his hips, moves his hand to regrip the window frame. 

The man—Chris—stops. He's still inside Kazuya but he's not moving. He hasn't come yet so Kazuya waits. 

After a moment the man says, "Is it the rain?" 

Kazuya goes still inside. He forces himself to take a breath, nods, holds the next breath. Chris pulls out then and Kazuya thinks he's going to be sent off, thinks he's lucky only to be dismissed now. But then the man says, "Is the bed better?"

Without a word or a glance, Kazuya goes over and gets on the bed on all fours. He looks back over his shoulder. "Is this—?" 

"Yes." Chris takes a moment to reslick himself before entering again. When he slides back in, the only thing that's missing is the dark. Kazuya closes his eyes.

They fuck; they keep fucking and fucking as the rain comes down outside...

"Can you come?"

Kazuya nods. The request that he come first is not unusual but the way this man said it, like a genuine question, _is_. He doesn't pause to let it mean anything, he just gathers himself and comes. 

It sometimes hurts when his dates keep going after he's come, but Chris doesn't take long to finish inside him.

Kazuya gets up, picks up his jeans, steps into them. He glances out the window as he's doing up the zip; it's still raining. 

"Are those to do with the boy you ruined your life for?"

Shirt in his hands, Kazuya pauses. He's been asked about his scars before, of course, though never in such words. "Yes..." He pulls on his shirt, feels Chris looking at him but doesn't look back, not even when he feels Chris' gaze slip off. 

"But it's not as simple as that, is it."

There's no inflection at the end, no real question, so Kazuya doesn't say anything. He finishes getting dressed before looking at Chris again. Chris is looking out the window and Kazuya knows better than to interrupt someone looking into the rain, so he leaves quietly.

Not all hotels are okay about letting streetboys wait out the rain inside but this one is, as long as you spend a little money and don't make a scene. Their lounge serves food so Kazuya goes there and orders a meal, the second cheapest on the menu (because ordering the cheapest, Ryousuke told him once, makes you look cheap). He still has half a bottle of today's water ration and he takes it out, takes a long sip. 

Mid-sip, he gets the sensation of being watched in a particular way and realizes one of the hotel guests has marked him. The man comes over when Kazuya puts down the bottle and starts talking to him, conversationally but the kind of conversation that has an endgame. When the conversation turns to solicitation, Kazuya tries to turn him down politely, but the man, somewhat inebriated, is not taking no for an answer. Kazuya has already caught a couple of meaningful looks from hotel staff, first the bartender and just now the security guard stationed by the lounge entrance; it's not a scene yet but if he says no one more time Kazuya knows it will become one.

He can't go outside while the rain is coming down, especially not in a slant rain like this, so he has no choice. He can tell this man is rough, he's going to go back looking roughed up. Maybe he won't go to the corner, in that case. Ryousuke and Kuramochi will be okay about it but the mayor won't like it. 

Only Jun can get away with calling him "the mayor" to his face. Everyone else respects him enough to call him "Tetsu" as he's asked them to, including Kazuya—but that doesn't stop Kazuya from thinking about him that way.

He takes a deep breath as he resigns himself, swallows all thought and draws up a yes for this man—

"Ah, thank you for waiting," a familiar voice says. Kazuya turns and sees Chris standing there with a smile. "I'm sorry I'm late."

Kazuya starts to open his mouth, even though he doesn't know what he's going to say.

The rough man turns sharply and Kazuya starts to reach for him, to assure the man he's going to go with him, there's no need for loud words or loud actions—

The clouded expression falls off the man's face. His eyes widen before he closes them as he offers a slight bow. "Sorry." He straightens, slides a glance Kazuya's way before looking at Chris again. "I didn't know he was with you."

Kazuya looks at the rough man, who doesn't look so rough right now. He looks at the man and the way he's looking at Chris, and he wants to ask questions but he doesn't. He watches the man bow again and leave.

"Shall we?" Chris says, drawing his attention. Kazuya turns to him, nods and follows him to the lifts.

They don't talk on the way up, don't talk until they're back in the room.

"I hope I didn't lose you a client," Chris says once they're inside, "but I saw you, and you looked..." 

He doesn't finish the sentence; doesn't have to. Kazuya nods. "Thank you."

Chris glances towards the window. "Why don't you wait out the rain here?"

There's no telling how long this rainfall will last. Even if the man from before doesn't approach him again, someone else might... "Thank you."

As Chris seats himself on the bed and starts reading something, Kazuya is not sure what to do with himself. He goes to one of the chairs, sits sideways with his back to the window, and tries to make himself small if not invisible.

He looks up when Chris says his name, gathering himself to be summoned to bed. Chris doesn't seem to be summoning him, though; he's just looking at Kazuya in a way Kazuya can't define but doesn't feel is sexual.

Then Chris says, "What do you usually do to escape the rain and the memories?"

The question catches Kazuya off-guard and he can't think of anything to say but the truth: "Fuck, usually."

Chris nods. "I'll watch, if you want to get yourself off, if that will help."

It's sexual but it's not, and that should be confusing but Kazuya finds it easy to say, "Okay."

He gets up and goes over to the bed, takes off his clothes before lying down and starting. There's an unused packet of lube from before on the nightstand and Kazuya uses that. 

As he promised, Chris is watching; he's just watching Kazuya's face, steadily, and Kazuya has to close his eyes. He arches himself the way he knows looks pretty—

"Just for yourself," Chris says, and Kazuya stops trying to be pretty. 

"I usually do it under the covers..." Kazuya knows what Chris has said but he isn't sure if it was okay for him to say that. And then he feels the bedclothes move beneath him as Chris tugs them down.

Kazuya gets up to slip under the covers and starts stroking off again. He allows himself to sigh as he settles into the bed. He's been in comfortable beds before, of course, even been in them since coming to the streets, but he's not sure he's actually been comfortable himself in one, not for a long time, not like he is now.

He closes his eyes as he touches himself, keeps touching himself; it gets even darker when the lights go out. He relaxes into it, and almost feels good when he comes./p>

It's still dark outside when he's awakened by Chris, who says it has stopped raining and he's leaving. "The room is paid for so you can sleep here tonight, if you want." 

Kazuya lies quietly for a while after that before he gets up, gets dressed, and heads back to the corner.


	4. chris and kazuya - "didn't know who you were"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's definitely a chapter or two between the hotel and this, but i don't know what they are...

"I didn't know who you were the first time." Kazuya thinks he should look away but he doesn't have the grace to; he should be ashamed and later he will be, but for now he only looks at Chris.

Chris smiles. "I know."

Kazuya wonders if Chris has known from the moment they crossed paths: if that's why Chris picked him, and came to him again. His lip unfurls from his teeth but he still can't smile. "I know who you are now, though."

Chris' smile alters somehow, in a way Kazuya can't immediately define—it's in his eyes, Kazuya decides, not letting himself linger too long there. Chris reaches out and brushes back the hair threatening to fall over Kazuya's eyes, fingers curled loosely as his hand returns to his side. "I know."

"Do you." Kazuya takes a breath, lets it escape soundlessly. He shifts his weight, the sidewalk more than solid beneath his feet, as if it's pressing back against his soles. "Do you still want to go with me?"

"Yes."

This time when Chris smiles, Kazuya does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is just a scrap, a start of a scene. i think the rest of the scene is that they go to another hotel and fuck, and miyuki just really thinks chris is not like all the others, but he attaches no significance to that fact.


	5. tetsu and kazuya - the alley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possibly takes place between the first and second time kazuya is with chris, possibly takes place after the second time...

An alert for incoming rain has gone out, so Tetsu starts closing up shop a little early, even though there's still at least half an hour. He's just taking the day's trash to the dumpster when he hears footsteps turn into the alleyway: he turns quickly and sees Kazuya, looking caught out. It's really rare for Kazuya to let a genuine expression show but something tells Tetsu the surprise on his face is real. So it can't be that Kazuya is looking for him (Tetsu was thinking that since the front door is already locked, Kazuya had come around back in hopes of getting something from the shop before it closed). 

In that case, he can only think of one reason Kazuya would come to the alley when he thought Tetsu wasn't here. He's cutting it close, but some men need an extra thrill, he supposes. "No dates in the alleyway." He goes back to his task, tosses another bag into the dumpster.

"No, of course not. I wouldn't—I haven't ever and I hope you know I wouldn't." 

When Tetsu glances at him, Kazuya is looking just past him so Tetsu doesn't say anything as he throws in the last bag, then shuts the dumpster lid.

When he turns around this time, the movement seems to draw Kazuya's attention: he grins at Tetsu and says, "Well, I'll be going now. Have a good night, Tetsu!" And with that, he turns the corner.

As he does, a glint draws Tetsu's gaze: fading sunlight catching on something that looks like a baking sheet in Kazuya's hand. What a weird thing to bring into the alley. Unless maybe Kazuya was planning to toss it in the trash or recycling bin here—

Tetsu's stomach flips as he realizes Kazuya meant to put himself in one of the bins to wait out the rainfall, probably intending to hold the metal sheet over his head as a precautionary measure against any drops that might get inside the bin.

He dashes to the end of the alleyway. Kazuya hasn't gone far yet; he stops and turns when Tetsu calls his name, a guarded half-grin lingering on his face, ready to become any kind of smile the situation will call for.

He watches Tetsu go up to him. "How much for the night? For the whole night." Tetsu has never—he has thought about it, of course, thought about all three of them—but he's always thought the cost would be too high. Not the money; money is just money. 

The cost might be high, but there are higher prices to pay for other things, like leaving Kazuya to find another dumpster (Tetsu already knows he won't come back to this one). Or worse yet, not to find one.

The grin cocks into place on Kazuya's face. "For you, Tetsu?" He names a price.

It's high; higher than expected. But it's only money, so Tetsu nods. He's never gone to a street sex worker so he's not sure what happens next. "Then, if it's all right with you to go to my place, I'd like you for the night."

It sounds awkward, he thinks, but Kazuya says, "All right." 

They climb the external stairs and Tetsu lets them into his apartment. Kazuya looks around while Tetsu goes to get the money for him. (He keeps a safe in his apartment in addition to the shop's safe.)

When he comes out, Kazuya is looking at the shogi board. "You have one here, too," he says without looking up. Tetsu keeps one in the shop. It remains in a mid-game state, untouched for months, until one day Kazuya comes in, studies it for a minute, and makes a move. So they have this ongoing, occasional game going on the shop's board. Tetsu has wanted to play a real, serious game with him but he's never asked. 

So they play now. Tetsu could tell from the sporadic game that Kazuya was good, but he didn't know Kazuya was *this* good. In fact, Kazuya is so good that it takes a couple of games for Tetsu to realize Kazuya is letting him win. 

"I don't care about winning," he says as they're setting up for the third game. "That's not important—it is important," he says, still looking at his hand as it places the pieces. "But it's more important to me to have a good, honestly played game where both sides give it their all."

He doesn't look at Kazuya but he feels it when Kazuya's gaze slips down from him to the board. Neither of them says anything as the game starts.

Kazuya kicks his ass.

Tetsu thinks it's probably his imagination, the way Kazuya smiles when he sees Tetsu's at the end of the game. Either that or else, just as with shogi, Kazuya is even better at his job than Tetsu has guessed.

After that, Tetsu heats up some canned foods for dinner and they watch a video while they eat.

When they're done, Tetsu gets a pillow and a couple of blankets for Kazuya. "I don't have a spare futon," he calls from his room, balancing the bedding in his arms. "But you can sleep on the sofa, if you don't mind."

When he comes out, Kazuya is naked.

Tetsu opens his mouth but no words come out, which perfectly reflects what's in his brain just now.

Kazuya comes over to him. "I'll sleep wherever you want, Tetsu." 

It's the use of his name, maybe, that snaps Tetsu out of whatever haze he was just in. "Kazuya, no," he says. "That's not what I brought you here for."

Kazuya doesn't say anything; after another breath, Tetsu answers the unasked question, which he thinks might be unspoken because Kazuya already knows the answer and has since the street. But he says it anyhow, "I brought you here because I want you to feel safe tonight."

"All right." Kazuya takes the pillow and steps back. 

Tetsu puts the blankets down and tells Kazuya to help himself to anything he needs. "And I'm just in there," he points at the doorway to his sleeping space, letting anything else he might add to that fall away unsaid.

Kazuya thanks him, they bid each other good night, and Tetsu turns in. It's surprisingly easy to fall asleep and he goes with it.

He comes awake some time later. He doesn't know how long he was asleep or why he's awakened so abruptly. Rain is coming down but he's never had a problem sleeping through it.

A soft knock makes him sit up and turn towards the door. He gets up and opens it. "Kazuya? Is anything wrong?"

Kazuya has his arms wrapped around the pillow. "I had a nightmare." 

Tetsu knows—he does, really, he knows he's being played. 

But even though he knows it, he can't look at Kazuya like this: stripped down to his boxers, hugging the pillow, the measure of his breathing not quite disguising the tremors in his breaths... How can Tetsu do anything but let him in?

So Kazuya comes in, climbs under the covers and settles back-to-back with Tetsu. When Tetsu rolls over to tuck up behind him, putting an arm around him, the trembling stops and the tightness eases, and Tetsu is even more certain he's being played, and he doesn't care.

Tetsu knows what's coming when Kazuya touches his hand. He doesn't say anything as Kazuya's caresses drift up his arm and he doesn't do anything to stop Kazuya when he rolls to face him. "Is there anything you want, Tetsu?" In the light coming in through the window, Tetsu watches Kazuya moisten his lips. "You paid so, you know, you can have anything you want..."

"Do you kiss?" It's like any other act: some sex workers do and some don't, so it's always best to ask.

In answer, Kazuya moistens his lips again, then presses them to Tetsu's. Tetsu knew the answer was yes as soon as he saw those lips part for Kazuya's tongue, but he wasn't expecting this—the gentleness of this kiss. He thought it would be more pornographic, loud gasps and dueling tongues. But Tetsu likes tenderness and somehow he must have given that away because Kazuya is giving him exactly what he wants...

Tetsu doesn't fuck him that night, even though Kazuya offers. They just make out for a while and then fall asleep.

When Tetsu wakes up, he's alone. Light is breaking over the horizon, spilling in through the window, and Tetsu supposes that's that: he paid for the night and now it's day, and there's sunlight and no rain. 

Then he smells something that makes his mouth start to water. He goes out and finds Kazuya in the kitchen, doing something with canned food that Tetsu didn't know was possible. He's in his jeans, shirtless, his back and his scars exposed to Tetsu's gaze (deliberately, Tetsu can't help thinking; wishes he didn't feel the small surge he gets when he sees them), and when Kazuya half-turns to greet him, the flutter of his lashes tells Tetsu he knows exactly what seeing him like this is doing to Tetsu.

But Tetsu still doesn't fuck him. 

After breakfast, Tetsu says he has to go open the shop, but Kazuya can go back to sleep if he wants (there's very little sex trade going on at 6 a.m.). "Before you go to the corner, come into the shop and I'll give you your key," Tetsu says as he gets to his feet. 

Kazuya looks up at him, lips parted, wordless. 

"You got kicked out of your place, right?" It's not an uncommon thing, not hard to figure out. Tetsu nods back when Kazuya confirms it. "So, until you find another place, you can stay here. On the sofa." He allows a small half-grin. "I can't afford another night with you just yet."

Kazuya kind of relaxes and closes up into a smile at the same time. "Just until I find a new place."

"Just until then," Tetsu agrees.

He's going to get hell from Jun for this. But Tetsu can handle that.


	6. you are not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are definitely more scenes between the previous chapter and this one. if i haven't added to the first tetsu and jun chapter by the time you see this: kazuya, kuramochi, and ryousuke are streetboys who share the same corner, down the block from tetsu's shop.
> 
> WARNING for this chapter: might sort of border on dub con...? um.

There are two types of acid rain. Well, there's only one type in terms of the chemical makeup—but there are two ways it falls. The common one is known as "slant rain" (the type people generally mean when they talk about "rain"), which falls/hits at angles, usually due to winds. Sometimes, rarely, there is no wind accompanying the rainfall, resulting in "straight rain." There's no way to predict when straight rain will come, although once it hits the phenomenon lasts throughout the rainfall. 

The thing about straight rainfall is that it is perfectly straight, and remains so for the duration of the rainfall. Which means that, theoretically, you could stand outside under a protected overhang and be safe—for example, Tetsu could stand under the awning over the front door of his shop. It’s a thing for daredevils and thrill-seekers.

(Tetsu’s rule about no sex on the property, which includes in front of the store, was instituted after he caught a streetboy getting fucked by a date under the awning during a straight rain. Tsukki isn’t around anymore and there are times Tetsu wishes he had made the rule sooner, but Jun always says it wouldn’t have mattered: some have tragedy thrust upon them, and some are determiend to achieve it…)

Straight rain is not safe to be out in, of course, but most people don’t find it as alarming as slant rain.

Kazuya is not most people. Straight rain freaks him out. But he doesn’t tell that to Kuramochi and Ryousuke the night he asks to crash with them when a rain alert goes out and he’s between places. A lot of people open their windows when it becomes clear it’s a straight rainfall and Kazuya doesn’t even say anything when they leave the window open before going to bed.

Leaving Kazuya in the outer room, Kuramochi and Ryousuke turn in for the night. They don’t call what’s between them by any specific name but there is something there, physically and emotionally. Ryousuke is not the jealous type and encourages Kuramochi’s flirting (like with Dr. Kiyoko) and other attachments (like to Kazuya), and he is also the one Kuramochi comes home to, the one Kuramochi fools around with before falling asleep most nights, like this one.

Kuramochi comes awake abruptly, aware of Ryousuke awake beside him. He doesn’t know why he awakened but something feels off, wrong. They go out to the outer room, Ryousuke leading (he always does in uncertain situations; Kuramochi resented it when they first met, but it does kind of make him feel nice whenever Ryousuke puts out an arm, a protective gesture that Kuramochi is not sure Ryousuke even knows he’s doing).

It's dark in the outer room but they can see that Kazuya is not on the sofa. Kuramochi is thinking maybe he left; maybe what woke them was the door slamming behind him (it's an unexpectedly heavy door, which is part of why Ryousuke likes this place).

But then Ryousuke says, "Kazuya?" and even though there's no response, Kuramochi sees him now, sitting on the floor against the wall beside the sofa. 

Ryousuke turns on the light and even though Kazuya doesn't look up, he says, "Sorry. I had a nightmare. I didn't..." He trails off. His body is obscured by the pillow he's clutching but the trembling is obvious, and Kuramochi doesn't think it's fake. It kind of almost reminds him of the war vets who rent him now and then; sometimes some of them start shaking like this. Ryousuke says it's called post traumatic stress disorder and it's not contagious.

Kazuya is too young to have served in the war, so he must not have PTSD, but maybe there's something like it that you can get without going to war. Maybe that's what his scars are about/it's to do with them. Anyhow, Ryousuke seems to know a little about it because he says, "Here, let's shut this," and kneels on the sofa as he leans over it to close the window. (Blinds are a tangle, as if Kazuya tried and failed to get the window shut?)

Kazuya takes a deep breath, lets it out in a shaky sigh. His breathing gets better after that but he's still almost desperately clutching the pillow, as if that will somehow stop the trembling. 

Kuramochi goes over, starts to crouch down, ends up sitting next to Kazuya. "Hey," he says helplessly, knowing the answer but not knowing what else to say, "Are you okay?"

Kazuya lets the pillow drop a little as he turns to Kuramochi and puts his hand on Kuramochi's wrist, almost like he was going for Kuramochi's hand but missed or couldn't do it. "Please," Kazuya says. He swallows hard, holding eye contact, and Kuramochi waits to hear what Kazuya wants him to do because whatever it is, Kuramochi is definitely going to do it, to relieve the heaviness that has come to weigh on his chest if nothing else.

Kazuya doesn't say anything else, though. There's another "please" in his eyes but when Kuramochi doesn't say anything, his gaze slips off. 

"Mochi," Ryousuke says, and Kuramochi looks at him, wondering when he came to kneel with them. "I think you're going to have to fuck him."

They both look at Kazuya, who doesn't respond, doesn't even give indication of having heard. When Ryousuke reaches out, Kuramochi thinks he's going to pet Kazuya's hair like he sometimes does for Kuramochi; it always soothes Kuramochi, and he starts to feel eased imagining how it will soothe Kazuya—but instead of flattening and brushing over Kazuya's hair, Ryousuke's fingers dig in, curl tight, and tug back hard, forcing Kazuya's head up. "Is that what you want, Kazuya?" Ryousuke says in this very cool voice. 

Kazuya doesn't say anything but it's obvious to Kuramochi that it's not what Kazuya wants, because his face is tight, his body tighter. The "please" is still in his eyes; his brow furrows, as if trying to force it out. He moistens his lips but still no words come out.

Ryousuke leans closer. His voice drops, low without being soft, still cool. "You need him to fuck your mouth, is that it? Fuck your throat, come down it, fill you up." Ryousuke's eyes narrow even more, his voice drops even lower, cooler. "But it won't fill you up. Nothing ever will. You're empty inside. You're nothing, and no matter how many cocks you suck, no matter how much come you swallow, you'll always be empty. Nothing."

Kuramochi is shocked speechless. He's never heard Ryousuke talk like this and he doesn't understand it; he thought Ryousuke liked Kazuya too. If he didn't want Kazuya to stay with them, he could have just said...

But the thing is, which each word Ryousuke says, Kazuya relaxes a little more. The trembling has stopped, although his lashes are fluttering a little. 

When his eyes close, Ryousuke catches Kuramochi's eye. His face is the one Kuramochi recognizes: kind and competent. And his voice, when he leans in to whisper to Kuramochi, has the warmth Kuramochi is used to.

So when Ryousuke says, so only Kuramochi can hear, "Are you okay? Can you do this for him?", Kuramochi nods. Ryousuke smiles and nods. "I'll be here, too. You're not alone." (That last phrase is a thing they say to one another, it's Their Thing together.)

When Kuramochi nods, Ryousuke leans in to touch their foreheads together briefly before shifting so he can tug Kuramochi's underwear down with one hand, holding Kazuya's hair with the other. Kuramochi kneels up to help and Ryousuke lets him do it himself, tightening his grip in Kazuya's hair and wordlessly commanding him to look. 

When Kuramochi is ready, Ryousuke bends to Kazuya's ear, that low, cool voice of his carrying to Kuramochi too as he says, "Now put that worthless mouth of yours to use," and pushes Kazuya down until his mouth opens and takes in Kuramochi.

They're mostly quiet, the only sounds the rain and Kazuya's sucking. Every now and then, Ryousuke says something that should make Kazuya tense up but that makes him relax even more instead; in a private voice only for Kuramochi, Ryousuke keeps praising him and telling him how well he's doing, and Kuramochi can't help relaxing at that himself.

After Kazuya gets Kuramochi off, Ryousuke pushes Kazuya's head down into his own lap. 

It's on the second round that Kuramochi realizes Ryousuke intends to keep going until Kazuya is able to relax all the way. To surrender himself; to surrender his nightmare.

Eventually Kazuya is able to pass out into sleep. Kuramochi wants to stay with him, to make sure he's okay, but Ryousuke says that Kazuya is okay now and when Kuramochi looks at him, it seems to be true. Anyhow he kind of needs to pass out himself; he stops trying to think or figure out anything, and goes back to bed with Ryousuke, already falling asleep as Ryousuke curls around him.

The next time Kuramochi wakes up, it's light; day has broken and the rain has stopped. Ryousuke is already up so Kuramochi gets up too. 

When he sees Kazuya on the sofa with Ryousuke, he realizes he'd more than half expected to find Kazuya had gone without a word. He can't help smiling to see Kazuya still here. There's no sign of the nightmare in him, so he must have slept well. Kuramochi asks anyhow, for something to say, and Kazuya says he did, thank you.

"I should get going," he says then, and gets to his feet. Ryousuke stands too and they walk him to the door, which can be tricky to unlock from the inside if you aren't familiar with it.

In the open doorway, Kazuya turns to them. "Thank you for last night." Kuramochi is about to say Kazuya can crash with them whenever he needs to, but Kazuya goes on, "For—for everything." He doesn't look away but it's clear that it's taking a lot for him not to.

"Sure," Kuramochi says, hoping he sounds casual and sincere.

Ryousuke one-ups him, of course. He reaches up and takes Kazuya's face in his hands, gently, like he's a national treasure. "Any time, Kazuya." His voice is warm, warm, warm, and so is the smile he gives Kazuya. Kazuya must feel all that warmth because even Kuramochi is feeling it, and it's not directed at him.

It seems Kazuya does feel it; a little of the warmth that's got inside him rises, faint but unmistakable, to his skin. He smiles back; broadens the smile to take in both of them, and says he'll see them on the street.


	7. ryousuke's past feat. oikawa and iwaizumi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scene skip!

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were both rentboys at the same underage brothel where Ryousuke indentured himself, which is where they met each other as well as him. Ryousuke was one of the top earners/most popular boys at the brothel—and, of course, so was Oikawa. There was a rivalry between them but also they were on fairly good terms because the brothel encouraged bonding among the boys, theorizing that boys who feel happy and secure will put more into their work. Also, Oikawa and Ryousuke had different styles and therefore attracted different clientele, so there wasn't the kind of competition that could lead to unhappy tension.

The brothel had a training program to teach the boys not only about sex and how to perform various acts, but also taught them how to "read" clients—how to anticipate needs, how to handle difficult clients, what to do if they got into trouble in any way (there's a security system, including cameras in all the rooms and a security team ready to go in—but of course it's better for business if the boys know how to handle things themselves).

Sexual experimentation among the boys was also very encouraged, and that's what led to a bond forming between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. So even though, like Ryousuke, they've left the brothel after turning 18, they're still together. Also like Ryousuke, Oikawa was offered a training position at the brothel, working with the new boys who came in, but he declined: he only wanted to have sex with underage boys when he himself was also underage. 

The thing about becoming a sex worker at a young age is that it becomes difficult to do anything else, even once you're out of the brothel. So Oikawa and Iwaizumi are still in the business, as trainers at an 18+ brothel (because of course not all sex workers start when they're underage; in fact, most do not, so training is definitely needed). 

So one day, Oikawa and Iwaizumi show up on the street where Ryousuke and Kuramochi have their corner (it's their corner; they just let Kazuya hang out there sometimes). Oikawa acts like he's surprised to run into Ryousuke but they spent four or five years together in that brothel and they had the same teachers for psychological training, so Ryousuke thinks this is anything but a coincidence. Oikawa is an interesting guy, though, much more interesting than his glossy surface leads some clients (and many who otherwise meet him) to believe. So when Oikawa "spontaneously" asks if Ryousuke would like to have a drink, Ryousuke goes along with them just to see what Oikawa is up to. He knows they're trainers at one of the top brothels because probably Oikawa was sent by his employer to try to recruit Ryousuke when he "graduated" from the underage brothel the year after they did. Ryousuke is sure Oikawa is not here to try to recruit him again. He thinks maybe Oikawa and Iwaizumi are planning to start their own place and want to bring him in; Oikawa has always been ambitious, so that could be it.

When Oikawa says, "Oh, by the way, your little brother came in to apply for a position the other day. Thought you'd want to know," Ryousuke's blood turns to ice, freezing him in place.

When he can move again, when he can talk, he asks if Haruichi's application was accepted. Oikawa says not yet (you can apply when you're 17, you just can't start working until you're 18) and the reasons for his visit become clear: the brothel wants to accept the application but Oikawa needs to know how Ryousuke feels about it (when he raised the question privately with Iwaizumi, "what do you think Ryousuke would say about this", Iwaizumi said, "why don't we just ask him," and that's why they're here now). 

Even though he can move—he can lift his glass, for example, and he does so now for a long sip—Ryousuke feels paralyzed. This is the last thing in the world he wants for Haruichi and he can't understand why Haruichi wants it. (Basically, this entire story is filled with boys who ruin their lives for someone they love and then are haunted by that someone...) So of course he doesn't want the brothel Oikawa and Iwaizumi work for to take on Haruichi—but if they don't, he's afraid Haruichi will keep looking until he finds somewhere that will take him. And, given his brother's looks and demeanor, Ryousuke doesn't think it will take long. This is the first brothel Haruichi has applied to, Iwaizumi tells him. It seems that he sought out Oikawa and Iwaizumi, whom he met on several visits to Ryousuke. 

Reluctantly, because it seems like the only avenue open, Ryousuke asks them to let his whereabouts slip to Haruichi. He has no choice but to try to talk Haruichi out of this directly. Ryousuke attracts a lot of rough trade on the street; it's not uncommon for him to come back with bruises other than the kind made by fingers gripping hips in the throes of physical passion. So one of the darker scenes is going to be when Ryousuke brings Haruichi with him to a date that he knows is going to be rough, just to watch... It won't dissuade Haruichi, so in the end it's Kuramochi who talks him out of it, gets him to see that one of the things Ryousuke holds onto when things get dark is knowing that Haruichi has a chance at a bright life.


	8. the greenhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so much scene skip! 
> 
> also, there is a little tiny pov shift in this that i don't know if can get away with, but i really want to try... :3

Chris comes from the wealthy part of the city and has access to a lot of things Kazuya—and most people, for that matter—don't. (He's known privilege his whole life because of his father, but it's been a kind of earned privilege... so he's more aware than a lot of the upper class.)

Because of the acid rain, there are pretty severe water shortages, which affect things like bathing (chemical baths/showers are the norm) and food (fresh produce is a rarity, pretty much unheard of outside the upper classes). 

Kazuya quickly becomes someone very important to Chris. It starts the first time they meet, when Chris talks about himself is this very vague way and Kazuya picks up the thread easily, in a way that tells Chris he knows the story on an intimate level (even if their details are different). It doesn't make Chris feel happy to be with Kazuya, because nothing makes him happy any more. But he finds things—the world; himself—bearable when he's with Kazuya. 

So one day Chris brings him somewhere he thinks Kazuya will really like. Kazuya is amazed at what he sees: plants—living plants, everywhere. It's a small, enclosed greenhouse/arboretum. Kazuya is speechless with wonder at first and Chris is just watching him with a look that's quietly fond, not trying to hide the fondness. Kazuya says he didn't know such places exist and asks if it's really okay for him to be here. Chris just says yes (I think the place is Animal's). 

Kazuya asks if it's allowed to touch things in here and Chris encourages him to explore. So Kazuya wanders around, touching leaves and bark and flower petals, inhaling deep because it smells so *amazing* in here. Chris even plucks a petal off one of the pansies, which at first causes Kazuya some internal distress (he's being extremely careful and even delicate with his touches). "Here," Chris says, in that deceptively soft and easy voice of his. He brushes the petal across the seam of Kazuya's lips and Kazuya opens to take it. His eyes widen at the sweetness he tastes, mild and fresh and unlike anything he's ever had. Chris smiles—an actual, full smile, which is so rare from him—and offers Kazuya one he calls a lilac: this one reminds Kazuya a little of the citrus flavored nutrition bars and drinks. Not all the flowers are edible but Chris gives him samples of the ones that are as they go around. Kazuya asks if this is how Chris eats all the time and Chris says no. That's all he says but just that answer and the way Chris is looking at him when he says it makes Kazuya feel momentarily special. There's only one person who has ever made Kazuya feel special and he never wants to feel that way again—but sometimes he gets so dangerously close with Chris...

Chris says he'll be right back, and Kazuya should keep looking around if he likes—but some of the plants are poisonous, so only eat from the ones he knows they've been to. Kazuya nods and walks around, sometimes crushing leaves between his fingertips the way Chris showed him to release stronger scents.

There's a sudden, weird sound from above and when Kazuya looks up, he sees them coming: 

_Raindrops._

All the warmth and loveliness drains out of him. The leaf he's been chewing is chalk in his mouth. He wants to run but there's nowhere to run to, and anyhow his feet don't seem to want to move. He can't even curl up on the ground. This is why you don't feel special, this is why you never let anyone make you feel special, _you aren't special—_

The sound of his name makes his breath catch, which is strange because he hadn't known he was still breathing. He turns to the sound, stepping out of the touch.

Chris' hand hovers, uncertain what to do now that Kazuya is out of reach. Light flickers in Chris' eyes, as if not yet willing to fade. "Kazuya?"

Kazuya stares at him. At his face. At the raindrops glancing off him, the raindrops sliding down his perfect skin. He starts to reach, then touches his own face: his skin feels smooth, his fingertips come away wet with something that isn't blood. He licks one: it's water.

He looks at Chris again. Raindrops hit his eyelashes, drag them down; he blinks to clear the blur that remains. 

He holds his ground when Chris says his name and steps closer. He doesn't flinch when Chris touches him, thumb smoothing over his brow, massaging the rain into his skin. He touches the rain on Chris' face.

"I turned on the water," Chris says. Kazuya looks into his eyes. "I wanted to surprise you; I thought you would like it." Chris' gaze slides away. "But I should have told you." He looks back; the light is fading, fading. "Kazuya, I'm—"

Kazuya kisses him. Chris opens to it immediately, pulling Kazuya closer at the kiss goes on. When he feels Chris' fingers hook inside his waistband, Kazuya breaks the kiss, stepping back so he can strip off his jeans and briefs. The rain feels cool on the back of his neck as he bends his head, and he shivers. A thrill chases the shiver and when he kneels to undo Chris' zip, he tips his face up, closes his eyes and feels the thrill in every small splash against his skin.

Usually Chris takes him from behind but this time he asks Kazuya to lie on his back. The moss floor is like nothing Kazuya has ever felt, and the scent it releases the wetter it gets is something he doesn't know how to describe but hopes he'll never forget. 

Chris leans over him as they fuck but not enough to block out the rain; Kazuya gives his gaze to Chris as the rain soaks into him, opening something inside him that even Chris' cock can't reach.

The rain stops before they do. After Chris comes, he joins his hand with Kazuya's to help Kazuya come too. Sometimes Chris asks Kazuya to come for him and Kazuya always does but this time Chris doesn't ask anything, doesn't say anything, just helps Kazuya find release.

Everything is damp and glistening, even Chris' eyes. It's even more like a fairy world now than when Kazuya first saw it. 

Chris' wet fingers stroke through Kazuya's wet hair. He moistens his lips. As Kazuya inhales, his breath feels damp to him, heavy with the residue of rain. "In another lifetime, Kazuya." Chris' voice is as soft as breathing. "In another lifetime. In another world..."

Kazuya closes his eyes and takes a last, deep, wet breath. He pushes himself up into a sitting position, feeling Chris move back as he does so. He smiles and when he's sure the smile won't slide off, opens his eyes. "But it's this world, Chris." He leans forward and touches his lips to Chris'; no tongue, no breath, just a touch.

He's still smiling as he gets to his feet. He doesn't have to look to know Chris isn't smiling but that's okay; Chris almost never smiles.


	9. jun is highly amused by one sawamura eijun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is either right after the greenhouse, or possibly to be moved before it...?

Jun comes in to the corner shop late one afternoon in unusually high spirits. Downright *mirthful*. It was the first day for the newly sworn in members of Parliament, including a kid from the outskirts who really shouldn't have been able to get in but somehow did. 

Sawamura Eijun rose to attention last year when his childhood friend survived what is known as a drug-n-dump when it happens to street sex workers, but which is kidnapping and sexual assault when it happens to anyone else. There aren't reliable statistics on how often it happens to anyone because it is severely underreported. One of the problems is that, since it's not a crime when it happens to an illegal sex worker, the police start from the assumption that anyone who reports it as an illegal sex worker (if it happened to you, that must be why). It's easier for some to prove they're not illegal sex workers than for others, and often those for whom it's more difficult—like someone from the outskirts, who doesn't have the kinds of connections and "proof" that someone from the city itself would have—gets discouraged and gives up the claim.

So when Wakana Aotsuki survived a drug-n-dump but was told the police would not investigate until she satisfied legal standards that she was not an illegal sex worker, she decided not to pursue her claim. 

Sawamura, on the other hand, was furious and outspoken. At first he was dismissed as a concerned loved one who didn't want his girlfriend ("She's just my childhood friend! Why is that even important!") accused of being a sex worker.

No, he said, that's not the point. What difference does it make if she's a sex worker or not? She's still a human being, isn't she? 

And so Sawamura started talking loudly about something everyone had tacitly agreed not to talk about: that, in many respects, illegal sex workers are viewed and treated as less than human. 

A parliamentary seat was opening up and Sawamura decided to run for it on a platform of humanitarian aid and human rights for street sex workers. His campaign should have collapsed, ending as a joke—except that a junior parliamentarian named Takashima Rei took him under her wing, and helped shape his campaign more broadly and, against the odds, guided him to victory. Among those who were impressed by Takashima's actions was the new head of the fire & rain department, Kataoka Tesshin, who recruited her to join the department when she expressed dissatisfaction with a political life.

Anyhow, it was the first day for Sawamura and the other newly elected members. Jun had been kind of into Sawamura's campaign (analysts felt the key to Sawamura's victory was that he had been able to engage enough of the disillusioned that it turned the tide in his favor). Still, he'd been cynical as ever about how the kid would fare in Parliament. So Tetsu doesn't know what to make of the gleeful glint in Jun's eye when he asked if Tetsu had watched any of the day's session. When Tetsu says no, Jun brings up a clip on his personal device.

There's a great deal of shouting; so much that Tetsu can't make out what the topic is. "What are they debating?"

"Nothing." Jun's grin widens. "That's the point Sawamura is trying to make—they're all shouting a lot of things but no one is actually saying or talking about anything. He's—okay, here we go!"

He points at the screen, just as Sawamura's arm flashes out from nowhere, his wrist flicking to drive his hand across the face of one of his fellow Parliamentarians. He whirls and launches it again. And again.

As he watches the farce unfold, Tetsu finds he's lifted his hands to the back of his own head. "Is he..."

"Yes!" There's a gleam in Jun's eyes now. "He is slapping the shit out of Parliament!" Laughter rolls up from his belly. He reaches over to stop the video. "It goes on for a while, but you get the idea. He got like a dozen of them before it finally broke up."

Tetsu studies the freeze-framed image. "Will he be removed from office after only one day?"

Jun shakes his head. "I don't know, man. Rei doesn't think so; she thinks they'll keep him in, where they can keep a close watch on him. She said they probably think they'll be able to control him, but they'll be in for a nasty shock." Jun grins, like nothing could please him more than Parliament getting a nasty shock. "I mean, he's clearly an idiot—but damn, he's going to be fun to watch!"

Rei is right: there's a hearing and disciplinary action, but Sawamura isn't impeached. Without her there, it seems the inner circle of Parliament thinks Sawamura will wear himself out in no time and dissolve his own threat.

It's like a dream come true for them when the first member of Parliament he butts heads with one on one is probably the most popular politician currently serving. 

What they didn't anticipate, of course, is that butting heads with someone like Sawamura provides the spark that has been missing in Takigawa Chris Yuu's political life.


	10. chris and kazuya at the glass garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know the drill: scene skips abound...

Kazuya is sitting in a public space—they're still called parks and gardens, even though there's nothing growing or living. Kazuya's favorite is a glass garden, and that's where he has come today. He's sitting on a stone bench, taking slow sips of water to savor it, losing himself in whale songs and quartz glass bonsai, when a shadow falls over him. He has the volume turned up pretty high but when the shadow doesn't move on, he takes out one ear bud and looks up: "Hello, Chris." He takes the other earbud out as he sits up straight, letting it drop as he curls his fingers back around the water bottle he's holding with both hands between his knees. 

Chris smiles. "I thought that was you. I didn't know you come here, too."

Kazuya nods. He wishes he could think of something to say.

He wishes it even more when Chris smiles and says, "Well, I don't want to bother you," already turning to go.

"No, you're not bothering me." When Chris turns back to him, Kazuya adds, "I'm not working today."

Chris gives him one of the smiles Kazuya finds difficult to read: polite, but he's never sure if there's more to it beneath the surface. "All the more reason I should let you enjoy yourself in peace." The bow of his head is as polite as his smile.

"Please." The word escapes Kazuya before he even knows he's thinking it. The rest of what he's thinking doesn't come in words; he moves over to make space on the bench, watching Chris' face to see what he'll do.

Chris takes a visible breath. "Then, if you don't mind," he says, sitting next to Kazuya.

Kazuya's exhale comes out like he was holding it. "I don't mind." He smiles. 

A warmth that wasn't there before colors Chris' smile, making it feel like he's smiling for the first time today; Kazuya realizes he smiled for the first time when Chris sat down.

Chris has a water bottle with him too, and takes a sip now; Kazuya does as well. Gesturing to the dangling earbud wires, Chris says, "What are you listening to?"

Kazuya smiles. He sets his water bottle down so he can pick up one of the ear buds, reaching for Chris with the other hand. "May I?" His fingers hover without touching the hair over Chris' ear until Chris nods (he doesn't have super long hair, I think it just comes down over his ears a little). Kazuya brushes back the hair carefully and even more carefully fits the earbud in, realizing only after he's done it that he could have handed the earbud to Chris and let him do it himself.

Any apology he might have made is swept away when Chris turns to him. Kazuya has never seen Chris' eyes light up like this, the light spilling out over his face. "What is this?"

Kazuya smiles again as he puts the other earbud in his own ear. "Whale songs." He moistens his lips, wondering if he should explain to Chris about whales—but Chris is very educated, so he probably knows.

Chris faces forward but Kazuya doesn't think he's looking at the glass garden. He watches Chris take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "My father saw a whale once," Chris says, so softly he might not be talking to Kazuya. Kazuya waits anyhow, just in case there's more to the story. 

If there is, Chris doesn't share it. Kazuya watches him a moment longer, then reaches over to clink his water bottle against Chris'. 

Chris glances from Kazuya's water bottle to Kazuya's face, raising his own bottle for a sip that completes the wordless toast.

Pictures of the two of them make it online, to the darkweb at least (even if no one is going to talk about how Takigawa Chris Yuu was drinking water in the glass garden with an allegedly illegal sex worker; the kid's identity doesn't matter—the only thing that matters is how Chris is smiling).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION: is it okay for this to come after the greenhouse/arboretum, or does it have to come before?


	11. chris and kazuya - "sweetest mouth"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if this goes before or after the greenhouse. feels like it's after, even though they made huge strides at the greenhouse -- maybe strides so big, they had to take some steps back? anyhow, if you have an opinion about timeline for this, please share it!

Of all the things they've done on all the dates they've been on, Kazuya has never blown Chris. So it's a surprise to him when, one time, Chris wants oral from him.

It's not a bad surprise. It's not like Kazuya doesn't give oral. He usually goes kind of blank for it—but then, he usually goes kind of blank on dates, no matter what he's doing. There are exceptions and Chris isn't the only one he's ever felt something with, but usually that's how it is.

When Chris says, "Can we do oral today?", Kazuya nods and kneels. Chris sits on the edge of the bed and Kazuya goes to him on his knees. "Can I touch you during this" Chris says and Kazuya nods again; some do and some don't, and it's never really made much of a difference to him.

Chris doesn't touch him right away when Kazuya starts and Kazuya thinks he might not, after all (and it's fine, it's fine). 

Then Chris does start to touch him. He doesn't grab Kazuya by the hair or by the neck, though, and he doesn't shove his fingers into Kazuya's mouth alongside his cock. He touches Kazuya's face, his throat, his nape, down along the top vertebrae of his spine, up into his hair.

Then he does tug Kazuya by the hair—not forward but back, and Kazuya goes with it. "Is it all right?" Chris doesn't say anything. He has a look on his face that Kazuya hasn't seen before—but he's never seen Chris' sex face so maybe that's all he's seeing now. Kazuya starts to bite his lip, manages to moisten it instead. "Is there something else you want—"

And then Chris is kissing him. Pulling him up for the kiss, falling backwards and bringing Kazuya with him, still kissing Kazuya as he rolls them over, getting his knee between Kazuya's legs as he props up. 

The kiss broken, Kazuya gazes up. Some of his dates like to spit on him, into his mouth. He doesn't know what else Chris could want, since he still only has one knee between Kazuya's thighs and isn't making a move to fuck him like this. So Kazuya moistens his lips, unnecessary but—he's been told—pretty, and opens his mouth for Chris.

Chris bends down and traces Kazuya's lips with the tip of his tongue. Licks the blunt edge of his teeth; licks behind them, flicking against the roof of Kazuya's mouth. The tip of Chris' tongue nudges beneath the tip of Kazuya's, coaxing him out of his own mouth, licking him in the space between them, encouraging Kazuya to lick too. 

Kazuya yields as Chris moves in again, dovetailing their lips, slipping inside again. He doesn't realize how hard he is until he feels Chris' fingers close around his cock. 

He reaches without thinking, his hand closing around Chris' wrist before he knows what he's doing. Kazuya may not be bordello-trained but even he knows Chris has paid to touch his cock at any time he wants to; paid to do more than that.

He loosens his grip without letting go at first; he does let go when Chris moves his hand. That hand comes up to touch Kazuya's face, even though Kazuya isn't sucking him off right now. His thumb soothes over the furrow of Kazuya's brow, but the brow won't smooth. Chris' voice is so soft when he says Kazuya's name now. 

There's a heaviness at the base of Kazuya's throat, a weight pressing behind his eyes. He should probably close his eyes but he doesn't; he keeps looking into Chris'. "Do you want to come inside me?" His voice goes up too soon, before the rest of the question properly gets out, before he can give Chris the choice he has paid for: internal or external comeshot.

Chris makes an inarticulate sound of agreement, almost a purr vibrating up from his throat; Kazuya wonders if he has a weight there too.

Kazuya brow eases, and eases more when Chris moves his knee from between Kazuya's legs to turn Kazuya onto his side. Kazuya hooks a hand behind his knee as he lifts his leg to hold himself open. He's about to remind Chris that he doesn't have an implant (many bordello sex workers, male and female, have anal lubrication implants)—but then he feels the cool, slick touch of Chris' fingertips and knows Chris hasn't forgotten.

When he has Kazuya ready, Chris slides in. As Chris starts to fuck him, Kazuya feels Chris reach for his cock; this time he knows he's reaching for Chris' wrist but he doesn't stop himself. He looks over his shoulder. "I don't want to come yet." Chris nods, releases his hold on Kazuya's cock. They're still looking at each other as Kazuya hears himself say, "I don't want you to come yet, either." 

The weight is back behind his eyes but Kazuya doesn't blink as he looks at Chris. 

Chris nods again. Staying inside Kazuya, he adjusts their positions so it's easier for Kazuya to keep looking at him while Chris fucks him. "Tell me when you want it." He cups Kazuya's neck, thumb stroking down his throat as they kiss, until Kazuya's whimpers articulate into a litany of "please"; and then that hand is on Kazuya's cock again, coaxing out Kazuya's release, coming inside Kazuya moments later.

Kazuya thought Chris might stay inside him even after coming, and knows he should laugh at himself when Chris doesn't.

"You have the sweetest mouth, Kazuya."

Those words have been said to him before—but not with sincerity, like the one saying them means it somehow, not like the words are just for Kazuya and not meant to get something from him.

Kazuya doesn't say anything.

It's still raining, so he lets himself fall asleep there.


	12. enter the dragon

Kazuya has been seeing a lot of Chris. He has other dates, of course, but yeah: a lot of Chris. He comes back to the corner one time after seeing Chris and Kuramochi points at his face. "What is that?"

"What?" Kazuya lifts a hand to his face. They don't talk about it when one of them comes back with bruises, although there are a couple of guys Ryousuke has told them not to go with if he's not here. Chris never leaves bruises, though—not the casual, careless, thoughtless kind, anyhow...

"There!" Kuramochi leans in, almost like he's going to touch Kazuya's face. Kazuya doesn't think he'd really do it but he leans away anyhow, takes a step back. "What is that—are you *smiling*?"

Kazuya offers him a wide grin. "You've seen me smile lots of times."

Kuramochi laughs, a single barked syllable, but it's not mean. "Kazuya, you're—"

Ryousuke's hand on his shoulder stops Kuramochi mid-sentence. "Now, now, Mochi. Don't ruin it for him. He might not know it himself yet. And anyhow, not everyone likes to hear such things aloud." Ryousuke smiles and Kuramochi rubs the back of his neck, but he smiles too. A car pulls up and Ryousuke lets his fingers graze Kuramochi's stomach as he passes on his way to the door, pushed open for him from the inside.

Kazuya sits down on the steps of the side entrance and watches Ryousuke's date drive off. Even if he didn't know what they were implying about him, he would have caught that Ryousuke was talking as much about Kuramochi and himself as he was about Kazuya.

Kazuya does know about himself, though. He thinks maybe he'll be like Ryousuke and Kuramochi: he won't say it aloud. He won't even say it in words to himself.

"So." A shadow falls over him and he turns to it. "Kazuya is in love."

Kazuya gazes up at a halo of pale gold, into clear sky blue eyes.

"I hope you're still taking dates anyhow," Narumiya Mei says.


	13. kazuya's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up.
> 
> WARNINGS this chapter: verbal bullying, physical bullying, injury, dub con (all in flashback)

Kazuya didn't grow up privileged, not at the level Chris did. But, thanks to the increased demand for metal products after the acid rain came, his family's steel forge pushed them into the lower ranks of the upper classes. It was enough to allow his father to send him to a private boarding school.

At school Miyuki (because that's what everyone called him then) got bullied regularly. Some of the adults—a homeroom teacher, a nurse—told him it was probably because he was from working money: "new" money. That is, his family got rich off the acid rain. So the bullying was probably snobbery from "old" money and maybe some jealousy mixed in, and Miyuki should do his best not to let it get to him.

"That's not why, Miyuki," one of the bullies told him one time, his foot on Miyuki's chest. "It's not about your family or where they got their money. Who cares about any of that?" The kid leaned down, his foot driving against Miyuki's chest, and put his face close to Miyuki's. He grinned and Miyuki had to force himself to keep eye contact. "It's because you're weird. You're so fucking weird." The kid straightened up and took his foot off but Miyuki knew better than to try to get up yet. "So don't try to blame anyone else for what happens to you—this is just because of you." He grinned again, leaned over Miyuki without leaning down, and Miyuki didn't turn his head but, as the bully grinned and his friends laughed, he did close his eyes so the spit wouldn't get in them.

It's not like Miyuki could stop being weird. He just had to do his best not to let it get to him. He started grinning and thanking them for the casual insults tossed his way; it made the bullying worse, not better, but Miyuki took it for a victory: proof that he could get to them too.

Since he couldn't stop being weird, he got even weirder. Things got worse but he was okay with it because no matter how bad it got, they weren't going to break him.

Until one afternoon, during a straight rainfall, they came to get him.

He didn't know what they meant to do until it was too late to fight, too late to do anything. He couldn't believe they actually meant to put him outside until the door was pulled shut behind him and locked from the inside.

There was a very narrow overhang. Not enough to keep off all the rain but if he pressed himself against the glass—the room they pushed him out of had one wall of windows—that side of his body would be safe. There was a crowd gathered inside, not just the usual bullies, and Miyuki would have liked to put his back to the wall, but that would have meant exposing his face to the rain. So he put his face to the glass. Even though he'd always been able to make himself look his bullies in the eye, he couldn't do it now as the rain burned through his shirt, burned through his skin. It wasn't going deep but even those light touches hurt. It wasn't that he didn't want to look at them watching him, but he didn't want them to watch him cry—and maybe he was a weird kid, but not so weird that being burned by the rain wouldn't make him cry.

He'd thought they would let him in after a minute...but they didn't. They were leaving him there... he was just being left...

His legs started shaking. Probably he was starting to shake all over but he noticed it in his legs because they were starting to have a hard time holding him up. If he collapsed, even more of him would be out in the rain...

"Please." He knew that, even if they were still there, they couldn't hear him because the glass was soundproof. But he said it again anyhow, flattened his palm against the glass and said it a third time. He opened his eyes and, through the blur, saw that they were still there. He'd pictured them smiling; they always smiled when they beat him up, which is why he always smiled too, why he'd learned to smile bigger and laugh louder. So he thought they'd be smiling this time—but they weren't. Their mouths were stone as they looked at him, and Miyuki understood they weren't doing it for fun. They were doing it because he was weird.

They were doing it because he was like he was, and they weren't going to stop.

He stopped shaking as he sank down, head and hands tucked in, curling in on himself.

He didn't look up when he heard a window open somewhere above, probably the next floor up. The voices that came through were indistinct and he listened dully, although he couldn't make out any words—until he heard a distinct, "No, don't!"

Moments later, his heart stopped at an unexpected, heavy thud beside him. It started beating again as something blocked out the rain. He uncurled just enough to look up: a halo of gold, and the clearest blue sky eyes.

And that is how Miyuki Kazuya met Narumiya Mei, and also how he came to believe in love at first sight.

Miyuki only has enough time to register that he's looking at Narumiya—of course he knows who Narumiya is, everyone in school does; Narumiya is weird, too, but the kind of weird that attracts rather than repels.

There's just enough for that identifying glimpse, and then Miyuki feels himself pushed down. He doesn't recognize the sound that comes out of him, not really human, at the contact against his back, scored raw by the rain.

Then everything gets lighter: the weight on his back, the pain. He thinks maybe this is the end; he can't even feel the rain anymore. He tries to laugh but another weird sound comes out of him.

"Sorry." Narumiya's voice is not soft and Miyuki really wants to laugh now when he realizes he thought it might be. He listens to the voice, not at all angelic, so utterly human. He listens to the voice even though he can't really understand what it's saying: "This is the best I can do. But Masa is coming, I'm sure of it." The voice keeps going; even when it hitches, it keeps going. Miyuki knows what the hitches are, because that's what his breath started doing as the raindrops hit him. "He's probably taking the stairs—he told me not to jump but I didn't think there was time. But now here we are, waiting for him anyhow." The voice stops so Narumiya's mouth can suck in air and Miyuki listens to his own harsh breathing.

He waits for Narumiya's voice but it doesn't come. He holds his breath and he can hear Narumiya breathing, so neither one of them is dead.

There's a whoosh and thud as the door is flung open. "Oh," Narumiya says, his voice smaller though still not soft. "Here he is now."

Miyuki feels something touch him, a hand on his arm, raindrops slicing down his back, and he stops fighting.

When he comes to, he's surprised to find himself in the infirmary. He feels disoriented, like waking up from an unplanned nap. He's lying on his stomach and he tries to roll over, to sit up, but he can't seem to coordinate his limbs.

"Don't try to move," a gruff voice says. The words aren't gruff, there's just a depth to the voice that makes it sound gruff at first. But actually it's a pretty nice voice. It makes Miyuki kind of want to laugh, for some reason.

The sound that comes out of him is sort of like a laugh, which makes him laugh again. A face looms into view and even before the mouth opens, Miyuki knows the face goes with the voice, and he also knows the name that goes with the face: Harada Masatoshi. He's an upperclassman at their school.

"Oy, Masa—is he finally awake for real this time?" an unangelic voice says.

Harada doesn't answer as he looks into Miyuki's face, and with a start Miyuki realizes that even though the question was addressed to Harada, he himself is the one meant to answer. "I think so." He wonders how many times he's woken up without really waking up before this.

"Yay, yay! You have to be a better conversationalist than Masa is, Kazuya. Plus he keeps going off to classes, and he wants to sleep in his own bed. Boo."

Miyuki is just thinking that Narumiya seems able to carry on a full conversation on his own, which is good because—contrary to his optimism—Miyuki is probably not a better conversationalist than Harada.

His thoughts are interrupted when Narumiya says, "Oh, is it all right if I call you that? Masa read your name off your chart for me. I'll call you Miyuki if you want, but I like Kazuya better."

Narumiya keeps talking but Miyuki doesn't know what he's saying, because all he can hear is, "I like Kazuya better."

Those words make his breath hitch like the rain, except it doesn't hurt.

"Yes," he says, when he hears Narumiya pause. "It's fine to call me Kazuya." The name feels strange on his tongue, but he likes the way Narumiya's abundantly human voice says it.

"Then you can call me Mei!"

They're in the infirmary for a week or so. Mei gets released a couple of days before Kazuya does, promising to come back and see him. Which he does.

He comes to see Kazuya even when they're both out. He does a lot of the talking, but some of the talking he does are questions, and he listens to the answers.

The touching, when it starts, is a comparison of their scars from the acid rain.

The touching does not end with the scars. They don't just use their hands to touch; it turns out Mei can do a lot more with his mouth than talk. For his part, Kazuya learns there is a sincerity not to be found in smiles or words that he can do with his mouth.

It's their secret, from everyone. "Not even Masa knows," Mei tells him, to show Kazuya how special this secret is.

Kazuya—because that's how he thinks of himself now—didn't know it was possible to feel the way he does when he and Mei are together. Not just when they're fooling around, which is breathtaking and amazing—even when all they're doing is talking, Kazuya feels *new*. It's not like he's perfect but Mei accepts his imperfections; "everything that's weird about you makes you who you are, and I like you, so you don't need to apologize for being weird, okay?" Okay; yes, okay.

They aren't in the same class so Kazuya doesn't see a lot of Mei during the day, but they steal moments here and there, and longer ones at night and on days off. As much as Kazuya likes the moments in closets and dark corners, Mei's breath hot against his ear, their hands down each other's pants, he also likes the moments stolen in broad daylight. Talking together in rooms no one else uses. Gazing at Mei, who doesn't look like anyone else Kazuya has ever met. Mei knows Kazuya likes to look at him and he says it's fine for Kazuya to do it, because he likes being looked at.

One of the things Mei talks about is how he wants to bring baseball back. It's not played anymore, professionally or in schools. Recreational sports have been replaced in large part by more practical physical training. But Mei saw a video of a baseball game and it got him all hyped up, so it's been his pet project to try to bring it back. If he can get enough players to form two teams, they're going to have a game, even if the school doesn't sanction it and no one recognizes the sport. He's been tossing and catching a baseball as he's talking, and Kazuya is mesmerized by the movement. "Should I be jealous of this ball, Kazuya?" Mei says when he notices, catching the ball mid-air and holding it out straight-armed, his fingers curved around it to both protect and show it off. Kazuya knows Mei is only teasing but he shakes his head anyhow and grins back when Mei does, and lets Mei have control when he slides into Kazuya's lap for the kiss.

One of Mei's hands is in his hair, the other is still holding the baseball, pressing against Kazuya's hip, digging in. Kazuya touches the hand holding the ball but doesn't move it. When the kiss breaks, Mei looks down at their hands on the ball. Then he asks if Kazuya wants to learn how to play. Kazuya nods, and Mei teaches him how to play catch that day. When Mei says he's a natural, Kazuya thinks he's just saying it. But Mei is serious. So baseball, or at least throwing and catching, becomes a regular part of their stolen moments. It's not the same as inhaling Mei's breath or feeling Mei hot and hard against his hip as they press together, but baseball has its own thrill.

So when Mei asks if Kazuya will think about joining the team, Kazuya says yes right away.

"I haven't talked to the others yet," Mei says, smiling, smiling so that Kazuya hardly hears the words over the brightness of the smile. "I wanted to make sure you were interested first."

For weeks and weeks, Kazuya and Mei spend time together secretly, exploring each other and discovering themselves.

The rain makes Kazuya shiver even when he's safe indoors, locked in his room; even if he should be in class, he goes to his room and locks himself in when an alert comes. He doesn't like to think about it but he can't escape the feeling that if it happened again, the teachers would let him be put outside and just tell him to try to bear with it and ignore it... So Kazuya locks himself in his room, closes his eyes and plays music loud enough to block out the sounds of rain hitting glass.

It always stops raining eventually, of course. And there's always Mei afterwards.

One afternoon, when Kazuya is lying on the floor of his room with Mei straddling him, Mei sits up and asks if Kazuya is still interested in playing baseball.

"Yes!" Kazuya was already breathless even before Mei asked; the way Mei smiles now takes away what breath he had left.

"We're having our first meeting this evening." Mei tells him where, and says there will probably be tryouts just so everyone can see what everyone else can do—"so come ready to play!"

Kazuya nods. "Then..." Mei is still straddling him but he hasn't leaned down again, so Kazuya isn't sure. "Are we done 'playing' for now?"

Mei's eyes narrow as he focuses on Kazuya, not like he's looking at Kazuya narrowly but like he's shutting out everything else, baseball and the others and everything else.

"Kazuya." His voice is low and soft like it gets sometimes, the closest Mei gets to angelic. His gaze opens up as he keeps looking, enveloping Kazuya now in his gaze. "Oh~ Kazuya—don't you know yet that you and I will never be done playing together?"

The words flush warm through Kazuya and he smiles up as Mei smiles down, shuts his eyes when Mei gets too close, his smile opening up as Mei slips his tongue into the space meant for breathing...

That evening, Kazuya goes to meet Mei and the others for baseball. All he and Mei have done is play catch, but Mei has explained to him about the positions and the rules of the game. Mei wants to be the pitcher—"and Kazuya, you can be my catcher!" Kazuya doesn't know who else Mei has recruited for their team but he hopes he'll be able to become the catcher; it sounds like so much fun. He's not sure but he thinks maybe Mei has suggested a specific position to everyone already, so that might make it easier. He's a little surprised Mei didn't ask Masa to "form a battery" with him (oh, it just sounds so *cool*—Kazuya really, really wants to do it!) but maybe there was a position Masa wanted to play more.

When he gets to the locker room of the second gymnasium, Kazuya hears voices. He doesn't think he's late but he hurries the last few steps anyhow. *Miyuki*, he reminds himself; he's only Kazuya with Mei. Maybe he'll be Kazuya with baseball eventually, but for now he puts on his Miyuki face.

The talking stops when he opens the door and everyone turns to look at him. No one is smiling, not even Mei, but Miyuki keeps smiling anyhow as he looks around. He's surprised Masa isn't here—maybe Miyuki isn't the last one to arrive, after all? He doesn't know anyone, other than Mei of course, but he recognizes some of their faces. He gets a little panicky when he thinks one or two of them might have been in the crowd that day—but it must just be his mind playing tricks on him. Even if it's not a trick of his mind... well, these guys must all be friends of Mei, and Miyuki hopes they'll be friends with him too when they're playing baseball together.

"I can't believe he actually came," someone says, but Miyuki turns in the direction of the words too late to see who said them.

He doesn't have to look to know who says the next words: "Of course. I told you he would." Mei meets Miyuki's eyes when Miyuki looks at him, the corner of his mouth curving up when their gazes connect; but he's already looking away again as Miyuki smiles back.

Miyuki looks away too when someone says his name: "All right, Miyuki, let's see what you got. On your knees."

Miyuki's brow furrows. It doesn't make sense to throw the ball around in here when they could use the gymnasium itself. Also, catchers crouch with their weight on their feet; they might go to their knees to get a pitch but they don't start that way. If he's the only one who knows that, then the catcher's position is surely meant for him.

The beginning of a smile fades when he feels hands on his shoulders, pushing him down; and then he's on his knees.

He sits back on his heels, unsure what's happening. The roiling he gets when he's being bullied is starting in his stomach—but Mei is here. Mei asked him to come. So that can't be what's happening. That wouldn't make any sense. Mei will be able to tell him what this really is—he looks at Mei, but Mei is not looking at him.

He looks back at the one who told him to get on his knees and sees that one pushing down his trousers. The roiling gets worse, reaching up into his throat, and Miyuki tries to get up but the hands push him back down, and then there's a hand in his hair, holding tight so he can't turn his head. They can't make him keep his eyes open, though. "I don't think he knows what's going on," a voice behind and above him says.

"Is that so?" the voice in front of him is close now; too close. "Didn't Mei tell you—open your eyes when I'm talking to you, Miyuki." Miyuki does; the hand in his hair pulls back, forcing him to look up and meet the gaze staring down at him. "Didn't Mei tell you there would be try-outs?"

Miyuki tries to nod but the hand in his hair won't let him, so he forces out a dry, "Yes."

"Ah, but he didn't explain how it works. That's just like Mei, isn't it?" The one staring down at him half-grins but Miyuki wouldn't smile back even if he could. "All right, I'll tell you, then. We're each going to evaluate your skills, one at a time. If any of us feels you aren't good enough, that's it. If we think you're good enough, we'll pass you to the next one in line, ending with Mei. If you can satisfy all of us, you're on the team." He breaks eye contact, looking somewhere above Miyuki's head. "Let go of him. It's up to him, whether he does it or not. It just depends on how much he wants to play baseball," and then he's looking at Miyuki again, holding his gaze, "doesn't it, Miyuki?"

His head jerks forward as the hand releases his hair; the weight on his shoulders is gone. Miyuki looks at Mei—their eyes meet but Miyuki doesn't know what's in Mei's.

He takes a deep breath and reaches out to pull down the underwear of the one who explained everything. He takes a moment. He and Mei haven't done this yet but Miyuki knows what's expected and he understands the basic principle. He moistens his lips, takes another breath; he wants to look at Mei again but he doesn't know if it will be worse if Mei is watching or if he isn't, so Miyuki doesn't try to look at him as he opens his mouth and leans forward.

He's on the third of them—lucky to be on the third, they've told him, lucky they're giving him the chance to keep going; he's not very good at it but they think maybe he has promise, just needs to practice more—he's on the third one when the door opens and a familiar voice says, "What is going on here?"

No one tells Miyuki to stop so he keeps going, trying not to gag so much.

"Miyuki, what are you—" Masa breaks off and Miyuki stops, even though no one told him to. He doesn't answer as he sits back on his heels, head bowed; he doesn't know the answer to Masa's question.

"Mei," Masa says now. "What are you doing."

Miyuki looks up to see Mei's answer; there has to be an answer, there has to be something that Miyuki hasn't thought of, hasn't understood, something he missed somehow—

He looks at Mei and Mei is looking at him, but their gazes don't connect; Mei's slices through him. Like he's not there—no, like he's here, but he's not worth Mei's gaze.

Miyuki gets up and runs for the door. He hears Masa call his name but he doesn't stop; there's only one voice that could stop him now but he knows it won't come and he runs faster so he won't be there to not hear it.

He's running for his room but there's nothing there; there's too much Mei there, and it'll be like it's raining all the time in that room now.

Ever since that day in the rain, there hasn't been anything but Mei. There's too much Mei now, and there's nothing, and Kazuya runs.

He runs.


	14. kazuya, kuramochi, and mei (oh my)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this backs up a little to the chapter where mei shows up, this time from kuramochi's pov -- with some overlap. QUESTION: does it work? does it need more/less?

Kuramochi touches his shirt where Ryousuke's fingers have just lingered, lingering himself before tugging at the hem. He gets what Ryousuke was saying just now, all of what he was saying. 

When he hears footsteps around the corner, Kuramochi hides his private smile inside the one he flashes for the world. 

Seems like he didn't have to bother because the kid who rounds the corner goes right up to Kazuya. When he calls Kazuya by name, Kuramochi figures he must be one of Kazuya's regulars.

There's something in his tone, though—especially when he says, "I hope you're still taking dates," that puts Kuramochi on high alert. Sometimes a guy rents you often enough that he starts to think he owns you. This isn't that, not exactly; the words don't match that, even though the tone kind of does. The discrepancy is unsettling.

Kuramochi feels even more unsettled when he realizes the "Kazuya is in love" comment is a direct continuation of the conversation they'd been having before Ryousuke went off. He pushes himself off the wall he's just slouched against, edging towards the street to get a reassuring glimpse of the corner shop.

Kazuya gets to his feet. Even as the shadow falls away with the change in his position, the light is gone from his eyes. "I'm still taking dates, Mei." Kuramochi watches them look at each other; Kazuya looks away first, putting his hands in his pockets.

As he starts to go, Kuramochi can't help reaching for his arm. When Ryousuke came to the corner, one of the first things he taught Kuramochi was that he didn't have to go with everyone who wanted him to. Looking at Kazuya now, Kuramochi can't help wondering if Kazuya knows that. He reaches for Kazuya, fingers hooking around his arm. "Hey."

Kazuya doesn't shake off the hand but Kuramochi lets go when they both turn to him, when the kid's blue-eyed gaze starts scanning him. "And who are you?" the kid says, a demand more than a question. 

Kuramochi has never responded well to demands, at least not ones he wasn't being paid to respond to. He can't make his gaze as hard as this kid's, so he steps back and smiles, as wide and bright as possible. "Just a friend."

The kid's expression as he studies Kuramochi is unreadable. "Kazuya doesn't have friends." There's an absolute certainty to that statement—one that Kuramochi thinks Kazuya himself might not deny. 

Before Kuramochi can dig into it, the kid's eyes go wide. "Oh!" He turns to Kazuya. "This is him—the one you think you're in love with?"

There are so many things wrong with that, including the tone in which it's delivered—mocking and accusatory at the same time, somehow—Kuramochi almost doesn't even know where to start.

Kazuya must not know, either, because all he says is, "Let's go, Mei." 

He holds out his hand but the kid—Mei—folds his arms across his chest, eyes on Kuramochi. "What's your name?" When Kuramochi tells him, Mei says, "Why don't you join us, Kuramochi." His voice doesn't inflect at the end of the sentence. 

Ever since he met Ryousuke, Kuramochi hasn't gone with someone he didn't want to. He feels like he's about to break that.

"Ah, no—we don't—" Kazuya starts.

"You don't what?" Mei's attention switches to Kazuya as he breaks in. "You don't go on dates together?" His arms fold across his chest again. "You prefer to fuck in private, for fun, is that it?" Kazuya doesn't say anything, and neither does Kuramochi—although he suspects that even if he did, Mei wouldn't hear it, the way he's focused on Kazuya right now.

The corner of Mei's mouth curls. "Well, there's a first time for everything. Isn't there, Kazuya?"

Kazuya looks at the ground on the way to looking at Kuramochi. Kuramochi can't tell whether Kazuya wants him to stay or go with and he's honestly not sure what he wants to do himself... but he knows what Ryousuke would do.

"All right." Kuramochi flashes a professional-grade grin. "Let's go."

They walk to the hotel. It's upscale, not one Kuramochi gets taken to often, but he knows it's one of the places willing to look the other way and they haven't had a problem with him on the occasions he's been there. He looks over at Kazuya to make sure he's okay with it: 

Kazuya looks so deep inside himself right now, Kuramochi isn't sure if he's aware of which hotel they're about to walk into. The places that ban street kids tend to be serious about it, and call the cops [note: I'm not sure if I should mention someone specific they know of who got arrested when he tried to sneak in somewhere; got arrested and Kuramochi never saw him again. Enriching detail or unnecessary distraction?]. So he elbows Kazuya lightly and keeps his voice low when Kazuya turns to him. "Have you been in trouble here?" 

Kazuya glances up at the building, then shakes his head. 

The movement catches Mei's attention. "It's fine," he says. "I told the front desk I was bringing back a guest, an old school friend." 

It has a ring of truth that gets under Kuramochi's skin; he can't help thinking about Kazuya's nightmare... Mei is still talking but Kuramochi isn't really listening—something about saying they ran into another friend, if the hotel questions them. Taking his cue from Kazuya's nod, Kuramochi nods too.

The hotel staff don't look like they're going to say anything but Mei overshares at the front desk, anyhow, introducing them unnecessarily. He calls Kazuya "Miyuki"; Kazuya's flinch, barely perceptible, suggests that might be his real name. 

Up in the room, Mei excuses himself for a moment. I think maybe he has a suite, and goes into the bedroom while leaving them in the outer room? In any case, there are some pictures on the desk and Kazuya glances at them casually: then snaps around and picks one up. Kuramochi looks at it in Kazuya's hand: Kazuya and Chris. Looks like they're at the glass garden, maybe. [Although now that I think about it, would they have access to paper if trees were scarce? So maybe it's a tablet with an image; Kazuya scrolls through and there are more? When Kazuya's finger stops scrolling, Kuramochi shifts his gaze to Kazuya's face: expression and color washed out. 

"Don't worry." Kuramochi looks up as Mei comes back into the room, but Mei is only looking at Kazuya. Kuramochi can't help wondering if Mei left the images up for Kazuya to find.

Mei is looking at Kazuya. "One of the dark net sites I'm on gets leaked security footage sometimes—that's where I got those. I doubt your father has seen them or ever will."

Kuramochi looks between them. He doesn't think the prospect of being found by his father is what made Kazuya freak out so quietly like that, although Kuramochi didn't even know Kazuya has a father... 

Whether it's because Mei read him right or read him wrong, Kazuya relaxes visibly and puts the tablet down.

Mei takes off his own shirt, just the shirt. The acid rain scars on Mei's shoulders, down his arms and back, give Kuramochi a start. When Mei moves behind Kazuya and he sees the way the patterns of their scars match up, Kuramochi catches his breath, lowers his eyes as he swallows all the questions he can't ask, looking up again only when Mei says his name.

Mei sits in a chair, one foot on the floor, the other draped over the arm. From there, he directs them to undress one another and then get on the bed. 

Mei tosses a small tube to Kuramochi. "Fuck him." Without waiting for a response, he switches his gaze to Kazuya: "Spread your legs."

Kuramochi looks at Kazuya to make sure he's really all right with this. Kazuya's gaze is still caught in Mei's; then he tears it away as he follows the instructions. He's not looking at anything, though, and Kuramochi feels like somehow his gaze is still caught. 

Kuramochi wants to ask if he's okay but he feels a reluctance to use Kazuya's name aloud in front of Mei. "Hey," he says softly.

Kazuya looks at him right away. "It's okay." His voice is even softer; Kuramochi is reading his lips. His smile is faint but Kuramochi finds it kind of heroic. "It's okay," he says again, the nod of his head even fainter than his smile.

Faint though it might be, Kuramochi takes the encouragement. He feels better when Kazuya keeps looking at him while Kuramochi is prepping him, his gaze there to receive Kuramochi's every time Kuramochi looks up. 

"Just keep looking at me," Kazuya murmurs when Kuramochi is kneeling between his legs, cock in hand, about to push in. 

Kuramochi nods, thinking that he should be the one offering something to hold onto—and then it hits him that maybe that's what this is, Kazuya asking for something to hold onto. Kuramochi nods again, looking as far into Kazuya as Kazuya's gaze lets him, opening himself to Kazuya's gaze a little more.

He starts to lean forward, then shifts his weight back. "Do you want your glasses on or off?"

There's a flicker in Kazuya's eyes that makes Kuramochi think no one has asked this before—or, no: it's that someone has. A very specific someone. After the way he looked at the photos, Kuramochi knows Kazuya's regular [note: I feel like that's how Kuramochi calls Chris most of the time, even though he obviously knows who Chris is. I think part of it might be that it shifts the weight to Kazuya; instead of Takigawa Chris Yuu and the street sex worker, it's Kazuya and his regular] is the last person Kazuya wants to think about right now. 

He's trying to think how to fix what he's just said, when Kazuya gives him a smile, crooked, like he knows how much Kuramochi likes his crooked smile. He probably does know; they may be self taught, but there are some things they're as good at as Ryousuke or any bordello-trained kid. "How do you want them?"

"On," Kuramochi decides. His vision is 20/20 so he doesn't know from personal experience, but he has a guess that being stripped of the glasses makes Kazuya feel more vulnerable than being stripped of his clothing.

An exaggerated sigh, more a blowing of breath than a letting it out, reminds Kuramochi of why they're here like this. He turns towards Mei, who tips his face down from the ceiling to say, "What's taking so long? You do know how to do this, right? Even if it's the case that you usually top your boyfriend, Kazuya, surely you've been paid to bottom before?" He slides his gaze to Kuramochi. "Or are *you* the problem?"

Kuramochi opens his mouth but he doesn't know what to say to that, so he shuts it again, and now he's the one caught in Mei's gaze.

And then he's pulled out of the gaze by Kazuya's hand on his cock, Kazuya guiding Kuramochi into him.

Kuramochi takes his time pushing in, giving Kazuya a chance to adjust to him. Kazuya's lashes and breath get fluttery but he doesn't break the gaze and Kuramochi doesn't, either. 

He shifts his weight to the side without thinking about it, only realizing why he did it when he hears a sharp, "Hey," from off to the side. Kuramochi keeps looking at Kazuya as he re-centers himself over him to give Mei the clear line of sight he thinks he wants. 

Kazuya lifts his legs to wrap around Kuramochi's waist, his hands falling from Kuramochi's ribs as he stretches his arms overhead. The stretch and arch are for Mei, of course; Kuramochi won't flatter himself that the wrapped legs are for him, but at least he doesn't think they're for Mei...

Kazuya is looking at him through fluttering lashes that make Kuramochi want to bend and kiss his eyelids; he wonders if that's what Kazuya's regular does, if he takes off Kazuya's glasses just so he can do it. 

"Hey," Kuramochi says quietly, because contrary to the comments Mr. Jun sometimes tosses his way (like Mr. Jun should talk!), Kuramochi does actually know how to control his own volume. "Close your eyes, if you want to. I don't mind."

Kazuya smiles as he shakes his head. "I don't want to pretend you're someone else," he says, as quiet as Kuramochi, and Kuramochi wonders if he was really that transparent or if that was just a lucky guess. Kazuya's smile goes just a little crooked. "I always kind of wondered what it would be like with you..."

"Yeah?" Kuramochi feels himself grinning back. When Kazuya nods, Kuramochi says, "Me too." Ryousuke has encouraged him to find out; there was a lot of that sort of curiosity at the brothel he came from, and the boys were always encouraged to act on anything mutual. But the streets aren't the brothel. Kuramochi doesn't know if he'd have acted on it if they'd been at that brothel, or if Kazuya would have either; some kids are just meant for the streets, he thinks. Anyhow they're here now, and maybe it's because they're not fucking for themselves that they can have this right here. 

Kuramochi shakes the possibilities and convolutions out of his head, and focuses on Kazuya's face as they fuck.

When Kazuya's hands come back to Kuramochi, even though the touch is light, Kuramochi knows what it means. Sometimes but not always, he experiences discomfort if he comes first and his date keeps going inside him, the discomfort getting worse the longer it goes on. He doesn't know if it's the same for Kazuya but just in case, Kuramochi plans to come first and use his hand to tip Kazuya over the edge; he adjusts his rhythm—

"That's enough." 

Kuramochi's hips stutter, then keep going as he turns to Mei. "He's so close—"

"I said to stop." Mei's feet hit the floor. "So stop." He gets up but doesn't approach.

Kuramochi is saved from anything he might say or do by Kazuya shifting beneath him. "It's okay," he says when Kuramochi looks at him. Kuramochi glances at Mei again, then back at Kazuya; when Kazuya nods, Kuramochi withdraws.

"A rain alert came in," Mei says, consulting his personal device. "So you're done here." He looks past Kuramochi when he looks up: "Not you, Kazuya." He looks at Kuramochi then, meeting his eyes. "Just this one." 

Kuramochi doesn't know what to say, but he also knows he doesn't want to hear Kazuya say "it's okay" again when it's not. He gets off the bed, bending for his jeans. He remains standing as he pulls them on, thinking maybe he should remind Kazuya that he can leave now too, if he wants.

Money in hand (another revision: I think maybe he took the money out before he sat, and he's been sitting there watching them with the money in his hand the whole time), Mei comes over. He counts out some of the notes and hands them to Kuramochi, his gaze sliding down until it hits Kuramochi's cock. "Oh," Mei says, looking at it, and Kuramochi wishes he could will himself to go soft.

He wishes it even more when Mei reaches out, wraps a credit note (probably not paper but something synthetic?) around his cock, strokes him with it, his gaze as deliberate as his strokes, base to tip, over and over. 

The credit note flutters down when Mei lets go; before it hits the floor, Mei touches Kuramochi's hand, pressing another note into it. Kuramochi swallows hard, eyes closed so he doesn't have to see if Mei saw that swallow, so he doesn't have to see if Kazuya is watching as he strokes himself off with the money.

When he's done, he zips up. He wants to throw the money on the floor but he doesn't. [note: can I leave it at that or do I have to say why he doesn't? I cut it back to a statement of action rather than getting into messy thoughts but I can try again if it doesn't work like this]

He pauses at the door and, one hand on the handle, turns back. "What do you want from him?"

Mei keeps his gaze on Kazuya. "He knows what I want."

Kuramochi looks at Kazuya, who just keeps looking back at Mei like that's the only gaze he can feel right now.

Rain is coming anyhow, so Kuramochi goes to the door.

"Kazuya, shouldn't you walk your boyfriend to the door?" Mei says, a biting edge on "boyfriend," and Kazuya gets out of bed. 

"See you around," he says when he gets to Kuramochi, offering a smile that somehow makes the words even worse. Because Kazuya has never said that before; it's not something they say to each other. 

Before Kuramochi can think about what to do, he finds himself reaching up to cup Kazuya's nape, tugging Kazuya to tilt down to him so their foreheads rest against one another. Kuramochi wonders if this is something of what Ryousuke is feeling when he does this to Kuramochi; he hopes Kazuya is feeling something of what Kuramochi does whenever Ryousuke does this. He wants to tell Kazuya that he's not alone, but that's what he and Ryousuke say to each other.

So he says what he and Kazuya say. "See you at the corner."

He doesn't look back as he goes.


	15. kazuya and mei, take 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> immediately follows previous chapter
> 
> WARNING this chapter: non-graphic mention of character death (someone who has not previously appeared in the story, but is a major character in daiya)

The door closes and Kazuya is alone with Mei for the first time since Mei told him about the baseball tryouts back in high school. 

Kazuya stands with his hand on the closed door. 

He doesn't know how long Mei will let him stand like that and he doesn't want to be told to turn around, so he gathers himself with a breath and turns on his own. 

Their eyes meet; Mei's chin is tilted up to meet Kazuya's gaze, but Kazuya doesn't feel like he's looking down. Mei told Kuramochi that Kazuya knows what he wants from him, but Kazuya doesn't. 

After a moment, Kazuya takes his best guess and kneels. 

Mei's gaze slides off and Kazuya knows he's guessed wrong even before the tongue click comes. "That's not what I want from you." 

Kazuya stays on his knees, gaze following Mei as he goes over to the window and looks out. He tries not to think of anyone else who has fucked him in front of a window during imminent and falling rain, but Chris' face comes into his head anyhow. 

Kazuya focuses externally. Mei's back is to him and the window is not reflecting him at this angle so Kazuya can't latch onto his expression. He makes his next guess blind: "Do you want to fuck me?" 

Mei shakes his head and keeps looking out the window. 

Kazuya can only think of one other possibility. In one of the books Chris gave him to read, the main character says that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. 

Even though this doesn't seem likely, there's nothing else left and so Kazuya says, "Do you want me to fuck you?" 

Mei turns from the window. Their gazes meet but don't tangle; Mei's slides off and Kazuya feels a cold wave swelling up from deep inside—but then Mei says, "All right, then," and the panic recedes.

Mei starts for the bathroom and Kazuya thinks he must mean to take a shower first—or, more likely, that he means for Kazuya to take one. When Mei pauses in the doorway and turns his head, not enough to look back over his shoulder but enough to show off his profile, chin tilted up, Kazuya knows he's about to be told to clean himself up.

"In here."

Kazuya has had dates in stranger places than hotel bathrooms, and of course he's had dates in hotel bathrooms before, and even when a date wants to do something somewhere Kazuya has never done it, he doesn't question it. So he's not questioning it now, it's just that this is Mei and Kazuya wants to be sure he understands: "You want me to fuck you in the bathroom?"

Mei turns to face forward, looking into the bathroom. "In front of the mirror." Looking at himself, Kazuya understands.

If that's the case—he goes over to the standing wardrobe in the corner, opens the door with the body length mirror inside, and gets it unfastened. He can feel Mei's gaze but he doesn't return it, doesn't even turn to look until he has the mirror hooked lengthwise to the wall. He glances at Mei, doesn't linger long enough on Mei's face to read his expression, drops his gaze as he turns to indicate the mirror. "An option."

The sound Mei lets out isn't a laugh, isn't anything else. "In bed, then." There's a pause during which Kazuya doesn't look at Mei, can't even hear him breathing. Then Mei says, "As you like, Kazuya." 

Kazuya feels it, the weight shifting to him with those words; he feels the weight at the base of his throat. It doesn't clear when he swallows.

When he looks up, Mei is sitting on the bed. On the edge of the bed, one foot on the floor, toes of the other curled around the side. Kazuya wonders if this is what he himself looks like to his dates when he sits on the edge of a bed. A dizziness spins slowly inside his head but he holds steady as he goes over.

As Kazuya starts getting Mei ready, he thinks that Mei is unusually pliant and compliant, going with every touch without a word needed—but then it comes to him that Mei can be like this, when he wants to. Kazuya doesn't think about what Mei choosing to be like means now or what it meant then; he focuses on his fingers slicking and stretching.

When Mei feels ready around his fingers, Kazuya takes measure of Mei's breathing before withdrawing. He looks up at Mei but Mei's eyes are closed and instead of telling him to turn onto his side, Kazuya touches Mei's hip and Mei goes. 

Kazuya lies down behind him and looks into the mirror. They can watch each other this way, not directly but still looking, still seeing. Mei doesn't blink as Kazuya enters him, reading Mei's body more than his expression, going slowly, slowly. 

[something about their scars: the way the lines match up; scars complete when they're together.]

There's a first-time feel to the sex itself; Kazuya might not be brothel-trained but he's done this enough to have a pretty good sense of when someone is doing something new to them. He's not surprised Mei hasn't been fucked before but he *is* surprised that he's getting a feeling this is Mei's first time, at all. Then again, maybe it's not; Kazuya is fumbling a little himself, even though he's been paid to fuck dates before.

They don't talk. When Kazuya comes, he closes his eyes even though Mei didn't tell him to; opens them again as he adjusts his touch to finish Mei off but doesn't look at Mei's face, keeping his gaze on his own hand.

It wasn't the best sex Kazuya has ever had. It wasn't the worst. It wasn't... it almost wasn't real. What might have been but never will be.

Kazuya looks out the window as he gets up. Mei wasn't making anything up: it wasn't raining when they started but it's raining now. Coming down steadily, no sign of letting up.

He throws on his clothes and slips on a shoe, bending to tie it. This hotel doesn't like streetboys hanging about the lounge or lobby but—

"What are you—you can't leave now." 

Kazuya turns as Mei scrambles out of bed. His eyes are wide as he looks from Kazuya's face to the fingers on his shoelaces; Mei's hands curl tight at his sides, knuckles whitening. "Don't go out into the rain, Kazuya."

Kazuya feels his mouth come open. He moistens his lips. "There are vending machines in the lobby here. I'm just going to go get something to eat."

Mei nods, and Kazuya only realizes how hard he was breathing when Mei takes a deeper breath, blows it out slowly. He sits down where he is, on the floor instead of back onto the bed, folding in on himself. His arms wrap around his drawn-up knees like he's holding himself together as he takes another deep, slow breath.

Kazuya doesn't think he's faking it. He's sat like this himself, breathed like this, and he doesn't think Mei is faking it. His gaze lingers on the scars, coming over Mei's shoulders and down his arms.

One shoe on and one shoe off, Kazuya goes over and sits next to Mei, not in his direct line of sight and not touching him, but near enough that Mei could change either of those things if he wanted to.

Mei doesn't reach out or look up, but he does unfold a little.

Slant rain beats steadily against the windows.

"You never met Satoru, did you?" Mei looks up now but not at Kazuya; towards the window. "He was a year behind us." He sighs and Kazuya thinks maybe that's all there is to the story. But then Mei goes on, "It was quiet for a while after you left. There was an investigation into your disappearance and some things came out—not everything, but." In the pause, he exhales through his nose, gaze fixed somewhere beyond the window. "Someone told them bullying had been involved. So for a while things changed. Teachers stopped turning blind eyes and students... I don't know if the bullying stopped or if it just got more careful." 

Mei folds up again. "Anyhow, it was pretty quiet until Satoru showed up. He was...weird. Not like you, Kazuya." Mei's gaze slides over to touch his briefly: "No one is like you." Then he's looking out the window again. "He was—sometimes he was really quiet and other times he was really direct and forward. He didn't seem to care what most people thought about him. I guess that's a little like you, Kazuya." Another sidelong gaze. "But with you, I think you knew what people thought and you talked yourself into not letting it get to you. Or you tried to, anyhow. 

"With Satoru—it was like he didn't even know that was anything to think about. A joke started that he was a robot, an artificial intelligence doll. Somehow the joke turned into a rumor. Not everyone believed it but some came to, I think. I mean, I think that's why they..."

Kazuya knows what's coming. Part of him doesn't want to hear it; part of him has to.

Mei's voice is tight and shaky as he pushes on. "They put him outside. I wasn't there. Even if I had been, I don't know if I would have been able to jump again...

The rain keeps hitting the window; neither of them is looking at it, Mei unable to look up, Kazuya unable to stop looking at him. They don't look at the rain but they can't help hearing it...

"He stepped back. There were so many stupid stories about him even before that so I don't know—but I believe the ones that say he just—he just stepped back into the rain."

Kazuya does not remember how to breathe. His body tries anyhow; it comes out ragged and strange.

"Someone ran to get a teacher, but by the time they got there..."

This time when Mei falls silent, Kazuya knows there is no more to the story.

For some time, measured in seconds probably, though Kazuya isn't tracking it, nothing but the sound of rain fills the room.

Mei unfolds himself to get up and go over to his jacket, hung over the back of a chair. He takes a small bottle out of the pocket, opens it, and tips it towards his hand. The bottle doesn't make any sound when he shakes it but he looks inside anyhow, then throws the bottle across the room and crumples up on the floor.

Kazuya gets up without thinking; when he takes a second to think, glancing at Mei, he goes over to pick up the bottle. He doesn't know how to pronounce the words on the label but he recognizes the characters from bottles some of his dates have had, and knows it's a combination anti-anxiety/anti-depressant.

He glances at Mei again, longer this time. Mei is curled in on himself, like he might fly apart if he doesn't physically hold himself together. Kazuya goes over and kneels beside him. One of Mei's hands, the one he tipped the bottle into, is white-knuckle tight against his knee; Kazuya takes it slowly and, when Mei makes no move to stop him, carefully unfolds it finger by finger. He cups the opened palm under his own. Mei's face is hidden. "There's one left," he says to the top of Mei's head.

"One doesn't do anything," Mei says around his breathing. He tips his hand out of Kazuya's, letting the pill fall to the floor. 

Kazuya looks at the pill on the floor. He doesn't know if it's true but he's been told this by other dates too. It's a carefully controlled substance, available only through government prescription or the black market...

"Masa has more." Mei's face is still hidden but the deep breath he takes is audible. "He'll bring more when he comes to get me." 

Not even Harada will come out in the rain. Kazuya glances out the window again. He doesn't want to think about Chris right now but he can't help it. He takes his own deep breath and says, "I'm not Harada, but will you let me try something?" When Mei nods, Kazuya says, "Come up on the bed, okay?" When nothing comes but a nod, Kazuya realizes he had expected a look, a comment, a flash of something *Mei*...

Up on the bed, he has Mei lie down on his back, stretched out, eyes closed. Mei's breathing is still coming difficult and irregular so Kazuya takes another breath himself and curls his finger, presses the knuckle slowly under Mei's jaw, at the juncture where his head and neck meet, just like Chris showed him. 

The unevenness disappears as Mei's breathing stops; Kazuya releases the pressure point, and Mei's breath resumes a moment before he opens his eyes. He looks away from Kazuya. His breathing hitches but stays steadied. "Did my heart stop?"

Kazuya can't tell which answer Mei wants. He swallows and shakes his head. "You just passed out."

Mei's lashes flicker but his breathing doesn't. After a moment during which he must be thinking something or trying not to, he nods. 

Kazuya feels like he should maybe look away too but he doesn't. Even though the panic has subsided, Mei still seems tight inside; Kazuya knows he's listening to the rain. "Do you want me to fuck you again?" Mei shakes his head, gaze still fixed towards the window. "Do you want to fuck me this time?" Kazuya tries, and Mei shakes his head again.

When you have eliminated the possibilities then whatever is left, no matter how improbable... "Do you want to cuddle?" 

With a deep sigh, Mei rolls towards him, draping an arm around Kazuya's waist. Kazuya shifts to lie down with him, parting his legs for Mei to nudge a knee between them like they used to. "This is all I've ever wanted," Mei murmurs against him and Kazuya thinks that, even if that wasn't always true, it might be now, at least in this moment.

Outside, the rain falls.

"You're the love of my life, Kazuya." 

Kazuya brushes Mei's hair back but Mei isn't looking at him, even though his eyes are open. Kazuya can't tell if Mei is lying, can't tell if he wants Mei to be. Mei has always been a pretty liar. Kazuya's fingers stroke though his hair.

Mei sighs, his eyelids falling shut before he opens them again. "I didn't know that was going to happen, that day." Kazuya keeps stroking his hair. "I didn't know—I knew what they were planning. I knew they were going to do it, were going to _try_ to. I didn't think _you_ would. I thought—they thought they knew you but I knew they didn't, I thought when they tried it you would show them who you really were."

Kazuya's fingers keep moving through Mei's hair. He thinks he did show them, thinks he showed everyone who he is really is that day.

Mei takes another deep breath, shaky; shaky when he lets it out. "I thought," he says, too quietly to hear any shaking, "that I would laugh at them. And we would go away from them together..."

Kazuya's hand stops moving, resting lightly against Mei's face a moment longer. "In another lifetime, Mei. In another world..." 

But it's this lifetime, it's this world, and he hates himself for using Chris' words, hates himself for bringing Chris into this...

The rain slows to a stop.

Mei's phone hums with an incoming message and he gets out of bed, announces that Harada is on the way now. He goes to the window and Kazuya gets himself together, leaves.

He's just turned off the walkway that leads to the hotel entrance when he hears his last name called, and stops. He didn't realize Mei meant Harada was so close, already there. Kazuya always liked Harada, even before they met; liked him by reputation and Harada had turned out to be even better than his reputation. Still, Kazuya hadn't wanted to see him. Hadn't wanted Harada to see _him_. 

But Harada is here, smiling. It looks like a real smile, like one meant specifically for him, and he knows it is when Harada calls out his name again and comes up to him. 

"It's good to see you," Harada says, and Kazuya can't help believing him. "When we saw the pictures of you—Mei wouldn't give up believing you had to be all right, and I wanted it to be true but there was no trace of you anywhere... And then Mei found those pictures." Harada smiles again. "He's a good man, Takigawa. We weren't in the same unit, but I knew him in the war. He's a good man," he says again, softer.

Kazuya nods. He knows it without being told, but he can't say it doesn't mean anything to hear it from Harada, who is also a good man. 

They regard each other a moment. Kazuya holds himself steady in the moment, in Harada's gaze. 

"Take care of yourself," Harada says, and Kazuya knows he means it, and nods honestly himself.

Only when they've parted ways does Kazuya let himself think about what Harada said about Chris. The fact that Harada knows he's been with Chris. That he's seen pictures—that that's how Mei found him: through pictures of him with Chris. Pictures out in the world, of him with Chris. 

He tried not to think about it in the room but he can't stop thinking now, out here, that maybe he wasn't the one who came out of things with Mei ruined. Maybe Mei is the one who got ruined. 

He ruined Mei. 

He can't ruin Chris. As Harada said, Chris is a good man. And Kazuya can't ruin him.


	16. tetsu fanboys chris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scene skip, ahoy! (there is at least one mochi and one ryousuke, and possible a tetsu and jun scene between the mei "arc" and this scene.)
> 
> WARNINGS this chapter: non-graphic mentions of two character deaths (neither appears in the fic, both are from daiya act i)

Kazuya hasn't been around lately but, even though Tetsu has noticed of course, he's not worried. Kazuya has a regular now, someone he even does overnights with, and since he never comes back looking messed up—not that Tetsu interferes like that, but there were times when the corner down from his was Kuramochi's. Kuramochi's and no one else's. And there were times when Kuramochi would come back looking messed up... That doesn't happen anymore. It's Ryousuke who sometimes comes back looking messed up, and Tetsu should worry about him more because he's smaller and even if he's been in the game for longer, they play so differently on the street it's almost a different game... So Tetsu should worry about Ryousuke more, but he doesn't. Ryousuke can always grin afterwards and even if that was also true of Kuramochi, Tetsu believes Ryousuke's grin more.

He's seen Kazuya come back looking messed up, too, and Tetsu—well, that was when Jun had to say, "Don't." That was all he said but Tetsu got it, and he didn't.

Anyhow, Kazuya doesn't come back messed up from his overnights. Even when it's been a few days, going on a week since Kazuya has picked up his water at the shop, neither Kuramochi nor Ryousuke has asked about that when they've come in, so they must not be worried. So Tetsu doesn't worry either.

Tetsu is thinking all this—it's okay to think about this even if you're not worried; you can be interested without being worried and Tetsu has never pretended not to be interested in the street boys down the corner from his. 

His thoughts are interrupted by the opening of the shop door. He looks up, wondering if it might be Kazuya (the other boys picked up their water today already).

Tetsu looks at the man who has just come in. He thinks he knows why, even though Jun has told him not to do it, Kuramochi still salutes them when they pass. Tetsu has always known it isn't sarcasm, but he didn't realize until now that maybe it's a compulsion, an overwhelming need to express respect and admiration.

Somehow, he manages not to salute Takigawa Chris Yuu.

Even in profile, as he pauses to look at something, it's unmistakably him. He is one of the most recognized faces in the country; Tetsu would know him even if they hadn't met once. 

Of course, it's impossible to discuss Takigawa without also discussing his father. The "M." At the end of Jouji Animal's name is a legal designation, required to distinguish mercenaries from other foreigners. Very few of the mercenaries hired by the government choose to stay here after leaving military service; while it's allowed in most instances, it's heavily disincentivized by limited citizenship/limited rights. 

If mercenaries could be officially recognized as war heroes, Jouji Animal M. would be one. He first came to attention when an earthquake compromised the structural integrity of the modified pagodas on Ituskushima, designed to protect the deer population. The island, which has no human population, is an experimental wildlife sanctuary and symbol of hope for the general public. (It's also a hunting ground so the privileged class can enjoy deer meat now and then, but that part isn't publicized...)

It's illegal for humans to set foot on the island (except for the occasional hunting party that we don't talk about or acknowledge). The law against human trespassing was put in place to prevent people from seeking shelter from acid rain there, although that's not how the law was phrased of course. 

There are cameras so people can watch the deer online, which is pretty popular. So when it was discovered—with well under an hour until predicted rainfall—that the shelters probably wouldn't hold and the deer population risked decimation, the deer watching website crashed with the number of people tuning in.The government allowed one broadcast network to access their private security stream of the island, so people tuned in to that and it was also shown on the info screens in public spaces. 

Which means an estimated 70-75% of the population witnessed an unknown man disembark from a powerboat with about half an hour to rainfall. No one could figure out what he was doing, but the government cut the security fence to let him through.

There were a couple of shelter pagodas that were still sound, and this man began trying to herd the deer there. He got kicked a couple of times but he just got up and kept trying, even as the rain started to fall. There's a very famous picture of him carrying a fawn inside his coat.

Tetsu is too young to have seen it himself or at least to remember seeing it when it happened. But he's seen recordings of it; everyone has.

So that's how Jouji M. earned the nickname "Animal" and became famous. There were some skeptics who thought the whole thing was planned by the government and that Animal had been paid for his performance, just as he was paid to fight—but then stories started popping up. Story after story, some word of mouth and others documented, about a mercenary who had been quietly saving lives here and there, on the battlefield and off. Saving soldiers, citizens—and animals. When asked about it, Animal laughed off all the incidents, saying anyone would have done the same. And it seemed he believed that—that his actions weren't extraordinary. But clearly they were. Not only that, he had a big and cheerful personality to go with too many scars to count (when asked how he felt about the fact that, due to his mercenary status, he would not receive commendations for any of his actions, he proclaimed his scars to be the only marks of honor he needed. With a big grin that was possibly the most foreign thing about him, but that endeared him to the public even more).

So Animal became a celebrity. There were still those who doubted his sincerity and cautioned against putting any faith or trust in him or his actions—until it came out that he had fathered a child with a Japanese woman. That in itself wasn't a big deal. The real story was that he hadn't just used her for sex: he was in love with her and she was in love with him, and even though he couldn't legally marry her, they were mutually monogamous and he was supporting her and the child, financially and emotionally.

Animal was very protective of his love and their son but stories and pictures got out, and the public ate it all up with a spoon. When she became terminally ill, Animal petitioned to be allowed to adopt Chris. There was no legal precedent for it but there was such overwhelming public support, the court granted the petition. 

One of the significant things is that Chris' citizenship was not revoked when Animal was legally recognized as his father. This is important because it meant Chris could do so many things his father couldn't—including going into politics.

Because of his father's fame, Chris grew up privileged. He could have gone into politics without serving in the military, and that seemed to be the path he was on.

Until his closest friend and confidant, who was also on that path, suggested that maybe they *should* serve their country for at least one tour.

It's not like joining a reserve corp in peace time. There's an ongoing war and joining up meant you would definitely see active duty. Even for those who joined as officers, there was no guarantee of coming back.

So when Chris told his father that he and Zaizen were thinking about enlisting, Animal tried to talk him out of it. He knew he was too late—Chris never brought up anything he hadn't already thought through, and once he thought it through to a decision there was no changing his mind. So, even though he was devastated (he knows what the front lines are like and, for all that he doesn't regret his service, he never wanted that for Chris), Animal supported him.

Anyhow, Chris and Zaizen both distinguished themselves during service and their futures seemed very, very bright. Until the battle towards the end of their second tour that ended Chris' military career and ended Zaizen's life.

Not just Zaizen's: it was a bloodbath. Their forces were completely overwhelmed but, against the odds, Chris managed to get some of his men out, rescued others along the way. Went back in to rescue everyone he could. 

When he came back and everyone said he was a hero, he tried to brush it off. People thought he was modest like his dad, but that wasn't it. He had been in a fugue state, didn't know what he was doing, doesn't remember it. He lost so many men that day—*No, Dad, I did; I lost them. I lost Zaizen; I lost him and all the rest, and I have to live with that*—he doesn't see how anyone, other than the few he did save, could look at him and see a hero. 

When he got out of the hospital after that battle, with an honorable discharge, the first he thing did was to go to the homes of every soldier who lost their life in the battle. He didn't just knock on the door and apologize; he shared stories of the ones he'd known personally, listened to stories of the ones he hadn't known. 

Even Jun—cynical, angry Jun—looked at Chris and said, "There's a man I'd follow anywhere." 

Jun's not alone in that. Even though Chris is running for office unopposed, there's a record voter turnout for his election. It's the dream he and Zaizen had, to change the country through public service. 

At first, only Animal knows Chris came back broken. He wants to pull Chris from public life and shelter him but even broken, Chris is still Chris, and so he tries to carry on. 

It soon becomes apparent he's broken, though. But there's so much respect and admiration for him—even his father's doubters respect Chris—that no one really says anything. Even when there are rumors that he's been seen with street rentboys, it's kept fairly quiet, an open secret a lot of people know but no one talks about. With any other politician, there would be a scandal. But it's Takigawa Chris Yuu, so...

So when Takigawa Chris Yuu walks into the corner shop, comes up to Tetsu, and says, "I'm looking for a friend of mine. I think you might know him," Tetsu gets dizzy with everything he understands at once.

Even before he sees the face in the picture Chris holds out to him, Tetsu knows he'll see Kazuya; he gets a small shock when he's met by a smile he's never seen before. It's Kazuya all right; Tetsu just hasn't ever seen that smile.

"Yes," he says, looking up from the picture. "I know Kazuya." He rubs the back of his neck, trying to soothe the prickles that pop up. "I haven't seen him in a few days, though. I thought he was with—" Tetsu breaks off, his gaze sliding from Chris'. 

Even as Chris is saying, "No," Tetsu's gaze catches on Kuramochi, just coming back to the corner from a date, Ryousuke looking up to grin at him. Tetsu hasn't been worried mostly because they aren't worried... 

He looks back at Chris. "I think I might know how to get a message to him, though, Sir—" His eyes widen as he hears himself. "Sorry, Sir—" And now he's definitely blushing. "Sorry."

To his surprise, Chris smiles. "It's all right. I don't need you to pretend you don't know who I am." 

Tetsu nods. He can't help grinning back, just a little; he can't wait to tell Jun about who came into their shop today. "I have a friend who served under you, Sir."

The light in Chris' eyes flickers and Tetsu kicks himself for tarnishing the moment. 

Chris lowers his gaze. "Did he come back?"

Tetsu swallows hard against the lump in his throat. His voice is almost as soft as Chris' as he says, "No, Sir."

Still looking down, Chris nods. "His name?"

"Tanba, Sir."

Chris' gaze snaps to his. "Kouchirou?" Some of the light comes back to his eyes. Tetsu nods and as Chris looks off again, he smiles, as if at a memory. "He was a good man. He saved my life that day."

Tetsu's eyes widen. "I didn't know that."

"No." Chris sighs and looks back. "I told them when I was in the hospital; even when I got out. I tried to tell them about the men they needed to give posthumous commendations to, but they wouldn't listen. They had already made up their minds who was getting a commendation." The bitterness of his tone straightens his mouth into a line. "I told his loved ones, though."

"Yes, Sir." Tetsu isn't sure if he should keep speaking. He takes a breath and goes on, "I think that meant more to them than a piece of metal from the military." 

Chris looks at him—not that he hasn't been genuinely looking when he's looked at Tetsu since coming in, but there's something different about this look. 

Then Chris nods, the down-sweep of his lashes breaking the gaze.

"Well," he says, reaching into his pocket, "if it turns out Kazuya needs anything—anything, no matter what it is—you can reach me here." 

He puts the calling card blank side up on the counter and reaches into a different pocket for a pen. He writes a number on the card and pushes it towards Tetsu. "Thank you, Mr. Yuuki." With a nod, he pockets the pen and leaves.

Tetsu doesn't think he introduced himself. He doesn't wear a name tag and the store doesn't bear his name either. But he did, once, long ago, shake Takigawa Chris Yuu's hand and now he thinks the rumors that the man never forgets a face or a name must be true.


	17. the shogi ploy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> narratively there's probably another scene between chris coming into the shop and this? :but in terms of kazuya's storyline, this pretty much follows that. 3

So what Tetsu has figured out from their lack of questions is that Ryousuke and Kuramochi aren't worried about Kazuya because they've seen him and/or know where he is (in fact, I think he may have been staying with them, not even working because he's trying to pull himself together after the encounter with Mei). So Tetsu asks them to pass on Chris' message, and also one of his own, inviting Kazuya to come to the shop for shogi.

The shogi ploy is a good one. It takes the pressure off Kazuya; no sex or conversation required. He's always liked (and, importantly, respected and admired) Tetsu. Shogi gives him a way to go to the shop, so a few days later he shows up.

Tetsu doesn't say anything when Kazuya comes through the door, he just smiles and pushes the board (which sits in the corner of the counter in a perpetual state of mid-play; Kazuya is the only one who makes a move on it when he comes in, which is how Tetsu became more interested in him originally(

They play quietly for a while before Kazuya leaves, maybe finishing one game and starting another (I actually have no idea how long a shogi game takes? I should look that up).

A day goes by and then on the next one, Kazuya is back again. It becomes a routine for a few days. One time when Jun is there, they have the tv on because Jun likes to keep up with politics (he's become a huge fan of Eijun, after the incident where Eijun had a slap fight with half of parliament)

There's "breaking news" about Chris—it's the pictures of him with Kazuya, who is not identified by name but is by profession: war hero and popular parliamentarian Takigawa Chris Yuu caught with an illegal street sex worker, on more than one occasion.

They go live to Chris being ambushed and confronted about it.

Kazuya is frozen in place. He doesn't want to look but he can't look away. He feels the entire world crumbling around him. He didn't want this for Chris; this is why he's stayed away, because he didn't want the world to crumble around Chris... (I also think part of him can't look away because he hasn't seen Chris in a while and he really misses him...)

So all these reporters are getting in Chris' face, shouting questions (although it really feels like accusations). Somewhere to the side, Kazuya hears Jun expressing his disgust for the way we can't help wanting to see our heroes fall, that we build them up just so we can tear them down.

Kazuya just feels empty. Emptier than he's ever felt. Less than worthless; if he were worthless, he'd be nothing. But nothing doesn't do damage the way he does...

Then the door Chris had just come out of opens again, and someone else comes out. "What's going on here?" parliamentarian Sawamura says, loud, smiling, bright-eyed, he's such a contrast to everyone else around him, Kazuya feels his smile like a shock.

Sawamura reaches out and plucks one of the photographs being shoved in Chris' face from the reporter's fingers. He looks at it and says it's a nice picture.

"That boy is an illegal streetboy," the reporter carefully explains to Sawamura.

"Okay," Sawamura says. Looks at the photo again, turns to Chris and smiles. "So this is him, huh?" which is such a clear acknowledgement that something *has* been going on between Chris and an illegal that Kazuya wants the floor to open beneath him so he can sink into it. Chris hasn't said anything to the reporters and Kazuya has been hoping—a small and desperate hope—that Chris would continue to deny through silence.

When Sawamura tilts the photo so Chris can see it, Chris smiles first at the photo and then at Sawamura, and Kazuya hadn't realized how much hope he was holding onto until he feels it all drain from him.

"Yes," Chris says, briefly touching the photo, smiling; smiling.

Kazuya wants to cry. If there was anything still inside him, he'd gather it up and compress it, squeeze it until tears came out. But there's nothing.

Chris looks up from the photograph, looks up at Sawamura and smiles, and Sawamura holds the smile with him before turning to the reporters again.

It's not just reporters now; a small crowd of citizens has been gathering behind them. Loud ugly words start coming out of the crowd, from reporters and citizens, and finally Kazuya can look away, sitting on the floor with his head down. He knows he should leave but he just sits there.

Then Sawamura's voice gets louder than the crowd. "Wait, wait, what are you—" there's some rustling and then his voice is even louder, like he's speaking directly into a microphone. "What is everyone so mad about? Love is great, isn't it?"

Kazuya looks up and sees Sawamura holding a microphone he appears to have wrestled away from one of the reporters. His expression is sincere, open. "That boy is a whore!" someone shouts, and Kazuya can't help flinching a little; he's only been called that in bed, by people who have paid to call him that.

"Yeah, you said that," Sawamura says. He scratches the back of his neck. "I think it's 'sex worker,' by the way. 'whore' just sounds rude. Anyhow I don't really get what your point is. Love is not as common as it should be. Why wouldn't you celebrate it whenever and however it appears?"

Some voices come out of the crowd trying to explain why this particular "love" is disgusting but Sawamura shakes his head, raises a hand to cut them off, says *they're* the ones who are disgusting, (something about "what world are you living in" or glad he doesn't live in that world?)

Then Sawamura turns and looks up at Chris, smiles again and congratulates him.

By then security has arrived to clear out the reporters and the broadcast goes to the studio for an "analysis" of the situation, but Jun turns off the tv.


	18. the drug 'n' dump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cameos by Rin and Sousuke of Free!
> 
> WARNINGS this chapter: systemic and actual abuse of sex workers, heavily implied non-con, one very anxious mochi

Sometimes Ryousuke has all night dates, but he always texts Kuramochi if that's the case or if a rain alert comes while he's away and he won't be able to get home in time.

So when Kuramochi wakes up one day and Ryousuke is not there, and there's no sign he's been back, and there's no message, Kuramochi feels a little panicky. 

He goes to the only place he can think of for help: the corner shop. Tetsu hasn't seen Ryousuke either; he hasn't been in to pick up his water. He could have picked up water at another depot—and that gives Tetsu an idea. Jun's rainfighter buddy Makoto has two friends on the police force. In Jun's words, "They don't suck." So he calls Jun to see if Makoto will contact them and see if they can access the water distribution database's daily records for yesterday and today, to see if/where Ryousuke got his water. (So yeah, if you want water, you have to let the government track your whereabouts. If you are rich enough not to need government subsidized water—that is, if you have a subscription you pay for—then you don't get tracked. Of course, that's part of why the black market for water is so popular...)

A nerve-wracking half an hour later, Jun texts a message that they have Ryousuke's last known location and, since it's a day off for Sousuke, he's following up on it (because the missing person is a street sex worker, this would be considered such a low priority case that it might never be touched through official channels; Sousuke is taking it on personally because, as Jun did say, he doesn't suck). Sousuke has Tetsu's contact number so he'll be in touch if he finds out anything.

Minutes tick by until they're hours ticking by. Kuramochi can't focus on anything. He wants to stay in the shop so he'll get the news right away, and Tetsu lets him sit in the back, holding Tetsu's phone.

Nothing comes in to the phone—no call, no text. 

When nothing has come in by the time night has fallen, Kuramochi comes out from the back room and gives Tetsu the phone, says he's going home—"but call me if you hear anything." Tetsu assumes they won't hear anything but he doesn't say so; he has a guess Kuramochi is already thinking that too.

So Kuramochi goes home. Ryousuke isn't there. The note Kuramochi left for him is untouched. Tetsu made Kuramochi eat something earlier so he's not hungry now. He goes to bed, so worn out he's fallen asleep even before he can finish wondering if he'll be able to.

He's awakened by a knocking on the door. All he can think is that Ryousuke's lost his key. 

When he opens the door, though, the grin fades away as he looks at the two cops. "Kuramochi?" one of them says. "Are you Kuramochi Youichi?" 

Survival instinct kicks in. He's heard of this, even though it's never happened to anyone he knows personally: round-ups of illegal sex workers. Maybe that's what happened to Ryousuke, he thinks. 

"No, sorry," he says. The lie will only buy him minutes, at the most, but if he doesn't stop to take anything with him and runs—he can't drag Tetsu into this but if he just runs—

The tall cop looks at the red-haired one. "I told you we should have changed out of our uniforms first."

Okay, so, they didn't buy the lie. And now Kuramochi is sure they're here to take him away but maybe not to arrest him, since they don't want him to know they're cops; maybe it's something worse.

The red-haired cop clicks his tongue at his partner, then turns to Kuramochi. "You're Ryousuke's friend, right? We're here to take you to him."

Which only reinforces Kuramochi's thinking: that something terrible has happened to Ryousuke and now it's going to happen to him. He probably looks as scared as he feels because the tall cop says, "Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Stop freaking him out, Rin." Then he turns back to Kuramochi. "We got your address from Mr. Yuuki," he says and Kuramochi remembers that's Tetsu's last name. "He tried calling you but it went direct to voice mail. I'm Officer Yamazaki and this is Officer Matsuoka. We found your friend and we're here to take you to him, if you want to see him."

It sounds believable, possibly...

"Here." Officer Matsuoka holds out a phone. "You can call Mr. Yuuki to confirm the story." 

Kuramochi doesn't know Tetsu's phone number; he always just walks down to the shop if he wants to talk to him. He does have the number for emergencies but since it's programmed into his phone, he doesn't have it memorized.

He looks at the number anyhow before he presses the call button, presses the button even though he doesn't recognize the number; he thinks he'll at least recognize Tetsu's voice.

And yes, it's Tetsu who answers. When Kuramochi describes the two guys, Tetsu confirms that they're Jun's friends. Then he says he's sorry he didn't think of this before but if they can wait about 10 minutes, he'll come over and they can all go see Ryousuke together. Kuramochi asks the officers if they can wait that long. Seeing the real question in Kuramochi's eyes, Sousuke says yes, Ryousuke is fine. Kuramochi could go in the morning instead but they thought he'd want to go tonight. 

"I do," Kuramochi says. And then into the phone, "We'll wait for you, Tetsu." It's really hard for him not to add, "Please hurry," but Tetsu knows anyhow and he's there in less than 10.

On the way to the clinic where the cops took Ryousuke, they explain that he was drug-n-dumped, a crime where the victim is drugged against their knowledge/will, used for sex, and then dropped somewhere. The drugs usually erase enough memory that the perpetrators are hard to find or convict. Also, it's not considered a crime if it happens to a street sex worker; the assumption is that no matter what they say afterwards, they consented at the time. (This is how many acts against street sex workers are treated. All the perpetrator has to do is say, "That's how I get off," no matter what it is, and it's considered in the realm of sex and therefore the street sex worker has—by definition of their profession—agreed to it. Legal/licensed sex workers don't get treated the same way, and if you abuse or misuse one of them you're likely to face both civil and criminal penalties.)

When Sousuke and Rin found him, Ryousuke was wandering around, limping and dazed but otherwise seemingly unharmed. At the clinic, the doctor who examined him confirms it: he has a hairline fracture and will need to be in an aircast for a couple of weeks, but once the drugs flush out of his system he'll be fine. 

Still, Kuramochi can't quite relax until he sees Ryousuke. When he does, he just kind of crumples beside the bed. Ryousuke smiles and starts stroking his hair. "It's okay, Mochi" (that's what Ryousuke calls him in this 'verse when he's feeling especially fond and personal). As Ryousuke, the one who has been through so much and still isn't entirely out of it yet, comforts him like this, Kuramochi can understand why Haruichi wants to follow him to the ends of the earth.


	19. kuramoch and ryousuke - seeking a brighter future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since i'm not sure where the previous chapter goes, i'm not sure if this follows immediately. but let's assume scene skippage.
> 
> also, this might develop into two separate scenes...

Because of his friendships with Ryousuke and Kazuya, Kuramochi ends up seeing an unfair amount of ruination and haunting. He also starts thinking about his future: about whether it's possible to have one. He's never considered that before. Even when his mom was alive and doing her best to take care of him, they lived day to day.

But now Kuramochi is starting to wonder if a future might be possible for him. The thing is, as an illegal sex worker, his options are severely limited. He's talking about this with Tetsu and Jun, and Jun says slowly, "Well... you could always enlist." He doesn't want to say it because the war is like acid rain without a warning system (not physically but psychologically). But the truth is, that's probably Kuramochi's best option for a better life. "You'd have to be in the infantry," Jun adds before the grin starting on Kuramochi's face can fully dawn. A lot of the recruitment campaigns glorify things and many kids who don't have a chance at it enlist in the hopes of being chosen for the officer program. 

But Kuramochi doesn't care about officers or their training. And when Tetsu points out, "We were in the infantry," it seems like Kuramochi has found a path for himself: a dangerous future, but a future nonetheless.

Ryousuke doesn't tell Kuramochi he's thinking about leaving the street until he knows it's actually happening. When he tells Kuramochi about it, he says Kuramochi can come with him if he wants to, be one of the first trainees. Kuramochi wants to think about it, and that's when he goes to talk to Tetsu; Jun happens to be there too. 

The whole thing has knocked him for a loop. Even though Ryousuke made the offer for him to come along, Kuramochi doesn't want to just tag along. He wants something for himself. He never really thought about his future before because that was always a luxury he couldn't afford, living day-to-day and hand-to-mouth. There was nothing beyond making sure he had a roof over his head when the rain came and food so he wouldn't starve. That started to change when Tetsu came along. And it changed even more when Ryousuke came along.

Now, for the first time, Kuramochi feels like maybe he needs to do something by himself, for himself, instead of just tagging along. So that's what he's talking about with Tetsu and Jun when Jun brings up the military.

When Kuramochi tells Ryousuke he's thinking about joining the military, Ryousuke has a flash of anxiety—it'll be active duty, of course—but when he pulls himself together he's supportive. And he says, "This is not goodbye." Kuramochi says of course not; he hasn't even gone to a recruitment center yet. Realizing that Kuramochi is being deliberately obtuse to hide his own anxiety/keep himself together, Ryousuke opts for going serious with it—if he's going to make it through military service, Kuramochi will have to be serious—and says that he'll be here when Kuramochi gets back from the war. "Even though I won't be with you there, you won't be alone, all right?" It's important to Ryousuke that Kuramochi know this. Knowing Kuramochi as he does, he's sure that the idea of having something concrete to come back to—not just the idea of a future but knowing that there is someone to go into the future with—is going to end up being really important when Kuramochi is serving.


	20. sawamura is in favor of baseball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scene skippity skip

Kazuya is minding the shop for Tetsu one afternoon when Representative Sawamura strides in, walks right up to him, and introduces himself as "Eijun. Chris' friend!" No last names, like he thinks everyone knows who "Chris" is (and, to be fair, he's probably not wrong).

He discloses that the pictures got out because of *Chris*—because Chris has been going around town with the pictures, looking for Kazuya. The pictures were sort of out there online (which is where Mei found them), but because Chris is so overwhelming beloved and popular, everyone was turning a blind eye. When it looked like Chris wasn't just dallying with a streetboy but actually might have *feelings* for one, that was too much and it became a scandal. Which, as you can imagine, really pissed Eijun off. The hypocrisy.

Then Eijun says that's not why he's here. He takes out a baseball, which is recognizably the one Kazuya saw in the library at Animal's and that he and Animal talked about [NOTE: this scene hasn't been posted yet, but it's part of the weekend kazuya spends at chris', when they go to the greenhouse]. Maybe it's signed by someone or it has particular scuff marks that look like something. Anyhow, Kazuya recognizes the ball immediately and accepts it without thinking when Eijun gives it to him.

Eijun says he's starting a baseball league as part of his parks and public spaces project, and he heard Kazuya might be one to talk to about joining because he knows a thing or two about baseball. 

Kazuya realizes without being told that he heard it not from Chris but from Animal, and that the baseball is from Animal. He declines the invitation to join the league because baseball is inextricably bound up with Mei for him. But he has a thought (because he's been thinking a lot about Mei, and about the fact that *Mei* is the one who came out of their relationship ruined)"I might know someone you should talk to. They know a lot about baseball." He doesn't know how to get in touch with Mei or Masa but he writes down their names for Eijun, with an asterisk next to Masa's.

He does hold onto the baseball, though, and Eijun doesn't try to take it back.

After Eijun leaves Kazuya is quiet, sitting with the baseball for awhile. And that's when he says he wonders if there's something he can do with his life...


	21. an honest good time feat. kazuya and kuramochi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guess what there's some scene skipping

Kuramochi is lying back with his hands behind his head, Kazuya sitting up beside him. Kazuya looks at the baseball he's holding. "So you're retired now, huh."

"I guess." Kuramochi is not looking at him, gazing up at the stars instead. "What about you?"

Kazuya makes the move before he can talk himself out of it, straddling Kuramochi, who does look at him now, moving only to rest his hands at Kazuya's hips. "I don't know." His grip tightens momentarily on the baseball before he tucks it into the oversized outer pocket of the jacket Tetsu lent him. "I could give you a free one anyhow," he says. He's never done that before, made that offer. He's only done it for pay, except for that time at school and that time with Ryousuke and Kuramochi at their place (and that time with Chris, but Chris wouldn't take his money back...). This time wouldn't be like those times, though... He grins so Kuramochi can make it a joke if he wants to. 

Kuramochi's expression is serious as he looks at Kazuya. One thumb starts moving, stroking just above the waistband of Kazuya's jeans, over his shirt. Kazuya's teeth catch his own lower lip as they look at each other. Kuramochi's thumb quiets without leaving Kazuya. "Would you really?"

Kazuya lets go of his lip to moisten it. He nods. "If you wanted."

"What do you want?"

Kazuya leans down and kisses him.

They're on the roof of the corner shop building and even though this is not for pay, they're not sure how the mayor would feel about them doing it here. So they go somewhere—Kazuya has never taken anyone, ever, to his place; but if this is a time of firsts...

He takes Kuramochi to Tetsu's, to the room he's been staying in. Both of them a little nervous but Kuramochi says it'll only be as awkward as they make it, and they end up relaxing and having fun. It's not spectacular, it's just an honest good time.


	22. kazuya thinks about the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you aren't going to believe it, but here's some scene skipping
> 
> also this is not really a scene, but more notes for a scene...

It's raining. Jun, who is off duty, is waiting it out in the shop along with Kuramochi, Kazuya, and Tetsu. 

"I don't know what to do with my life," Kazuya says out of nowhere and Tetsu has to take a moment to close his eyes and breathe, because all he's wanted —part of him has been holding his breath all this time, wanting this so much—is for Kazuya to *want* to have a life to do something with.

Kazuya is cooking for Tetsu at the time and Jun says, "wWhat about that?" and suggests that they could open a food counter at the shop. 

Which is a huge step because he's always telling Tetsu not to get involved. But he knows this is something Tetsu has been thinking about since the first time Kazuya cooked for him Kazuya kind of laughs and says he doesn't know that much about food.

"You might not know a lot about it," Tetsu says as he steals a bite from the pan, "but you sure are good at it."

This ties in with an earlier scene [not posted yet] where Kuramochi has his date with the girl he likes, and that greasy spoon: because Kuramochi knows Sanada has certain entrepreneurial food ambitions, but he doesn't have the resources or the partners/help. So the idea is that Kuramochi is going to introduce Kazuya to Sanada, as an apprenticeship type thing.


	23. the end is the beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of the story (an epilogue, really). not sure whether there are more scenes or if that lastone will be the last with kazuya before this...

The rain alert came out an hour ago. The man leans farther out the open window of his food truck and glances up at the sky before ducking back in and starting to close up. He could wait out the rain in the truck but it's less claustrophobic in the park's rain shelters, so he walks over to one, passing living plants and a set of tire swings along the way.

The city's first and finest green park (which is what the parks with living plants are called) is called The Diamond. The small shelters throughout the park, made of fused quartz and able to hold up to half a dozen people each, glitter like gems in the sunlight. It was more expensive to make the shelters out of this material, but this park—Representative Sawamura's pet project—was meant to bring hope through beauty.

Even though the shelters are waterproof, most people still prefer to be at home when the rain comes, so The Diamond usually empties out when an alert goes out, as it did today. Of course there are always a few who, for their own reasons, choose to stay.

The shelter doors are designed to lower when barometric pressure indicates that rainfall is imminent. Each shelter has a manual override switch for emergencies—like when you see someone outside, like the man sprinting towards the shelter in a race against the incoming rain.

The man bends over, hands on his knees to catch his breath as the door shuts behind him. "Thank you," he says as the first drops hit. He straightens, tilting his head back to look up at the falling rain. "The alert said this one should last over an hour, so it seems we'll be here a while. By any chance do you like stories—" He looks down from the sky. "How should I call you?"

"You can call me Kazuya."

The man smiles. "By any chance, do you like stories, Kazuya?" When Kazuya nods, the man says, "Then I'll tell you one now: 

"Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved another boy. He loved this other boy so much..."

"I know this story," Kazuya says. He steps closer, wrapping himself deeper in the gaze. "He loved this other boy so much." Closer and deeper still. His voice so soft that if they weren't this close it would be lost to the rain, Kazuya says, "He loved this other boy so much, he saved his own life for him." 

And then he closes the rest of the distance, his smile melting into Chris' as they touch, leaning back against the glass as they wrap in an embrace, as the rain falls softly.


End file.
